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18 Years And Nothings Changed

 

This has been happening since I was old enough to cry literally. My mom is sensitive as well as every middle child on her moms side of the family. Just so happens that they were all females and I being the oldest of my moms children and the only male it just happened to be passed to me.

When I was an infant if my mom left the room and had a baby monitor on, it would instantly go to static, followed by me screaming pale white face and staring at one part of the room just screaming. I guess it only happened a few times because she's only told me of 3.

After I turned 8 I started seeing more and more entities. Either pure white blobs or black shadows walking around. I have even heard a few call me a mistake, or a doll, it still happens it was just more shocking then.

Skip a few more years it was pretty repetitive up through then, this is now when I turned 12. I would go too sleep and wake up with scratches all over my body. I woke up once with what seemed to be a burn mark on my back and it was shaped with a hand. When I showed my mom she brought me too a psychiatrist/ psychologist to figure out what was going on. They had diagnosed me as Bipolar type 1 rapid cycling mixed mania, clinically depressed an schitzoaffective.

She didn't listen to that and one Sunday after my churches service she brought me down to talk to the pastor. He had told her that I was touched by both an angel and a darker entity and refused too share what it was. He also made me stay for the early afternoon mass where my mind and body literally weren't mine anymore. Every time he said Jesus or God my body temp would shoot up 5 degrees until I was sweating bullets and passed out in the isle. He released the mass and did a blessing on not only me but everyone in the house and told my mom I might have some repressed memories which are calling them to me.

Since then I have attempted suicide 3 times and all three times I passed, I know I have but I came back with a cloud of warmth around me.

I've been having flash backs and night terrors recently as in the past 3 months, of me as a toddler over my moms friends house and she was molesting me. I know its real because I can see every color and feel every thing she's doing to me. I have tried to come too terms with it but I'm just disgusted at myself that I blocked it out until now after so much hell has been caused.

It still happens every time I hear God or Jesus and writing this I have my window wide open and a fan on me. I stopped going to mass because of this but I still believe there is good above and all around.

I haven't started taking the meds until recently and it has been starting to escalate

I also know that if you commit suicide you don't automatically go to hell. Its the hate you carry with you when you pass that makes you go to hell or where ever you believe. Well maybe its just me it happened too

Thanks I just needed to get the general happenings off of my chest. There are more vivid things happening but I needed to get this out.

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by yourghoststories.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, s3fight4freedom, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

KikiGirl (8 stories) (207 posts)
+1
9 months ago (2017-01-20)
s3fight4freedom, all of this time and we haven't heard from you? You're really worrying us. My biggest fear is that you succeeded in committing suicide and will never read this post, and my biggest hope is that you've managed to put this all behind you, made some sense of it and managed to find a life you are comfortable / happy living.
I know a lot of time has passed but I would just like to put this post to you:
What happened to you when you were a small child is not your fault. You think and feel like it is, and there is always a reason why you could have managed it better, done something differently or been happier altogether if it never happened. People are flawed, and such is it that Mothers are flawed. It is not an excuse, it is a life rule.
Nobodies life is perfect, in fact, most of the people in the world live in poverty, anguish, undernourishment, bad homes with abuse and unhappy marriages. If you can see what you can possibly do for yourself, in a good way, where it be looking after yourself better, sleeping at a decent hour / getting good rest, and doing something that you've always wanted to do no matter how trivial, you'll see that you can be a better person.

Because of everything that has happened to you, I am going to have to say this *eeek! You are probably going to HAVE to, at least, attend masses or a religion of your choice, once in a while. Try once a week or even twice or week, or once a month but go and sit there and see what this "religion" thing has got going for it. If you don't dig it, you can always go and take up something more fun BUT it must feed your spiritual side, in other words, make you happy.
If you're only reading this now, it's not too late to do what I've said above. And, I hope that you've found a medication that works for you. Don't believe EVERYTHING a Shrink tells you, like if they say, "you're bipolar 1", rather go back and think to yourself, "am I crazy?" You were not crazy all of your life. You passed through school, or your early grades I'm sure.

You did see things but I'm hoping you've found out how much of what you experienced was linked to not having stability or love as a child, and how much of it is linked to nothing at all.

The rest? You'll have to give us a new post before we can help you with anything else you might want to talk about.
Aries_fire (2 stories) (6 posts)
 
1 year ago (2016-08-08)
I'm so very sorry to hear of everything that you have been through. I want to give you amazing credit for sharing the fact that you have been a victim of sexual child abuse. I too have been through a childhood of hell in regards to sexual abuse, and I didn't TRULY recall the details of the abuse until I was 26 and in rehab for drug abuse of opiates...

I also think that these entities are drawn to you by your hereditary connection, but once your brain allowed the memory of the abuse to be released into your regular long term memory storage, it was almost comparable to you putting up a new neon sign inviting all those old negative entities to a free for all. All the shame and emotional turmoil that built up inside your head gave them SO MUCH POWER. It's equivalent to giving a drug addict a never ending supply of their favorite drugs at the highest possible quality that is around and available to them. Not only are they all going to take FULL ADVANTAGE OF THIS, but it becomes necessary for them to be able to feed off of "your emotional vibes". They also know exactly how far they can push you before they ruin a good thing.

I believe you when you say that you died and were brought back, but I think that the evil is just as responsible for your survival as the good may be. Even though your paranormal experience is rare and different than my own in many ways, & I have not been terrorized to the extent that you are going thru, I KNOW exactly what you are going through emotionally as I am right there with you.

My advice to you is to make it known to both sides (Gods Angels and the devils demons) exactly which side your on. Let them know who you chose to stand by and put all your faith and soul into, whichever side that may be. At the very least, you know where you stand. Trust me, you will eventually notice a VERY SMALL light at the end of this seemingly endless life of darkness...

I truly wish you all the best and don't give up hope. It's the 1 emotion that's stronger than fear.

Karma
YeseGrey15 (20 posts)
 
2 years ago (2015-11-21)
Don't give up, you've come this far in life. Let Jehovah in your heart and he will heal it all. I know I have no place to give advice but know that with all sincerity I am praying for you and wish you happiness and peace. ❤ ❤ ❤
kytenlavvaldre (1 posts)
 
3 years ago (2014-10-07)
I'm not sure if you will see this, as it looks like you've been inactive for a while, but I thought I would post it, just in case...

"After I turned 8 I started seeing more and more entities. Either pure white blobs or black shadows walking around. I have even heard a few call me a mistake, or a doll, it still happens it was just more shocking then. "

Out of curiosity, were the darker figures the ones to call you these things? 'Mistake' I can understand - if they are trying to feed off of your negativity, it makes sense that they would try to push you into depression. Doll, however, I don't understand, unless they mean that you are a puppet?

"Skip a few more years it was pretty repetitive up through then, this is now when I turned 12. I would go too sleep and wake up with scratches all over my body. I woke up once with what seemed to be a burn mark on my back and it was shaped with a hand. When I showed my mom she brought me too a psychiatrist/ psychologist to figure out what was going on. They had diagnosed me as Bipolar type 1 rapid cycling mixed mania, clinically depressed an schitzoaffective. "

Escalating attacks, and a reasonable medical response to what you were feeling as a result. If you find that the medicine helps you maintain balance, by all means; keep taking it. What it comes down to is finding whatever helps you through.

"She didn't listen to that and one Sunday after my churches service she brought me down to talk to the pastor. He had told her that I was touched by both an angel and a darker entity and refused too share what it was. He also made me stay for the early afternoon mass where my mind and body literally weren't mine anymore. Every time he said Jesus or God my body temp would shoot up 5 degrees until I was sweating bullets and passed out in the isle. He released the mass and did a blessing on not only me but everyone in the house and told my mom I might have some repressed memories which are calling them to me. "

That, or there is some sort of posession going on. Have you investigated ways in which to get these darker entities to leave you alone?

"Since then I have attempted suicide 3 times and all three times I passed, I know I have but I came back with a cloud of warmth around me."

Warmth, like in a hug, or like fire?

"I've been having flash backs and night terrors recently as in the past 3 months, of me as a toddler over my moms friends house and she was molesting me. I know its real because I can see every color and feel every thing she's doing to me. I have tried to come too terms with it but I'm just disgusted at myself that I blocked it out until now after so much hell has been caused."

It is not yours to feel disgusted over. You had a perfectly human reaction to inhumane acts performed on you at a young age. It's nothing to blame yourself for - there wasn't a thing you could have done to prevent it. Let those feelings go, and focus more on how to move forward in life.

"It still happens every time I hear God or Jesus and writing this I have my window wide open and a fan on me. I stopped going to mass because of this but I still believe there is good above and all around."

Again, I would recommend investigating means of purging that influence from you, so that you can return to Masses (if that is a path you wish to take).

"I haven't started taking the meds until recently and it has been starting to escalate"

Escalate how?

" I also know that if you commit suicide you don't automatically go to hell. Its the hate you carry with you when you pass that makes you go to hell or where ever you believe. Well maybe its just me it happened too"

I can't say one way or the other on this. But I do want you to know that it is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. There are ways other than death to free yourself of the torment.

"Thanks I just needed to get the general happenings off of my chest. There are more vivid things happening but I needed to get this out."

If it helps you to post them, by all means post more happenings.
elnoraemily (11 stories) (1051 posts)
 
3 years ago (2014-07-14)
Schitzo-affective type disorder is a fitting diagnosis for someone who is going through something like you are.

I would urge you to figure out a medication routine that works to help stem your suicidal tendencies. Please take care of yourself. Far, far too many people leave this world in ways that they are not supposed to.

You can lean on both faith and medicine- there is no shame in that.
DiscoNinja (2 posts)
 
4 years ago (2013-10-17)
The helpfulness of the comment below almost has me tearing up.
Apocalypsenow (1 posts)
 
4 years ago (2013-10-17)
Listen yo overcome this things you have to ask your mother for the truth about you what had happened during her pregnancy & her sisters involvement in it then post the rest of details and ask for further guidance or solve it yourself kiddo
scarlettsnowe (1 stories) (79 posts)
 
4 years ago (2013-04-24)
Are you using hypnosis to remember these repressed memories? Because hypnosis has been proven to be problematic... 😢
spectravondergeist (11 posts)
 
5 years ago (2012-11-11)
You know when you said when you where 3 and you cried at certain parts of the room my little brother used to do that at my old house whitch I'm sure is haunted 😭
Sceptic-Ari (2 stories) (604 posts)
+1
5 years ago (2012-10-29)
Dear Miracles51031,
You have caused no grief for which you need to apologise.
I appreciate your diligence and would have voted your comment up if I had not already exhausted my daily vote quota. 😆

Regards
Miracles51031 (36 stories) (4802 posts) mod
 
5 years ago (2012-10-29)
Sceptic-Ari - I'm a firm believer in going with your instincts and I offer my apologies.
Sceptic-Ari (2 stories) (604 posts)
+1
5 years ago (2012-10-29)
Dear Miracles51031,
Thanks for being so sincere and dedicated to your job.
I was actually aware that it has been a long time since the author has posted any comments or has replied to any, but the situation depicted in the story forced me to resist all practicality and thus my last comment was posted.
I was compelled by the sheer fact that O/P states that he has tried to end his own life thrice. I thought perhaps, by chance, maybe if I could help him someway, if he comes back and checks the comments section just once 😢
Albeit the credit would go to rookdygin 😊

Thanks for the guidance anyway...
Regards
Miracles51031 (36 stories) (4802 posts) mod
 
5 years ago (2012-10-29)
Sceptic-Ari - we really appreciate you offering your advice, and Rook's Cleansing Recipe, but I don't know if the author's of the stories that are 4 years old even visit the site anymore. As in this case, s3fight4freedom hasn't commented since August of 2009.

Maybe it would be more beneficial to visit stories that are 1 to 2 years old. The author's might still be checking the comments on their stories. But first check to make sure Rook hasn't already given his advice, okay? 😊
Sceptic-Ari (2 stories) (604 posts)
 
5 years ago (2012-10-29)
Dear s3fight4freedom,
This recipe has been graciously provided by rookdygin who is a veteran on this site and has a vast experience with the paranormal. I personally consider this method most effective if followed thoroughly. I request you to try it at least once in its entirety.

Recipe for a Home Cleansing/Shielding... (allow for two or 3 days to complete)
Day one: Open all curtains window and doors with screens installed, let fresh air and sunshine into the home. Have all closets, cabinets and other 'dark spaces' open so that as much natural light as possible can enter those spaces. After 2-3 hours take a broom and 'sweep' out each room (this is symbolic and you do not have to really sweep) focus your thoughts on sweeping (pushing) out all negative energies / entities /thoughts. Close home up after completing each room of your home... Please do not forget your garage if you have one. (Optional) Light incense (sandalwood or Dragons-blood works well for me) and let aroma fill the home, and/or play a tape that contains your favorite Church/Positive, Upbeat (songs that give you good thoughts) songs before you begin sweeping.

Day two (or three): Once again open all curtains, windows and doors. Take a White candle (Optional) to the center most point of the home, sit on the floor and place candle in front of you. Light the candle (visualize a white ball of light) and then focus on the flame... Visualize the flame (white light) filled with positive thoughts, energy. (Say a prayer at this time if you so desire... Ask for cleansing positive energy to fill the candles flame/white light). Hold this 'image' in your mind and then visualize the flame (light) slowly expanding outward, visualize it filling the room your in, every corner and 'dark space'. Continue to visualize it expanding...it's outer edges pushing away (burning away) any and all negative energies/entities out and away from each room in your home. Once you have visualized this flame (light) filling your entire home, picture it expanding to your property lines. Hold this image in your mind for a few moments then visualize 'anchoring' this flame (light) where you are sitting which is the center most point of your home. Once you have done this. Take a deep breath, relax a few moments and then blow out the candle. (If you didn't use a candle just let yourself relax a moment or two.) "

Now you can create a shield for yourself using the 'home shield' technique but instead of focusing on your home visualize the 'flame' simply surrounding you instead of your home... Best time to do this is after a nice shower using a rosemary scented soap (rosemary is good for purification and protection.)

Regards
Sandeep44 (11 posts)
 
5 years ago (2012-10-29)
So sad of you. Does this condition still persists. Contact me if you need. I may be able to help you. My email: victorsm488 [at] gmail.com
Jesse3 (3 posts)
 
5 years ago (2012-10-06)
A real deliverance minister should solve your problems, that priest and his "blessing" are not equipped to handle this kind of deal and you don't pray an unclean spirit away (read your Bible and see how Jesus handled them) When you find the right minister let us know as Andrea wants to see him, too.
zzsgranny (18 stories) (3311 posts) mod
+2
5 years ago (2012-10-03)
MaryRiddle: Look, believe what you will if you want to think your part angel or whatever...But, we don't play that game here...There's a sister site, the link is at the top of the page "psychics and mediums" where there are plenty of kids who may buy into your fantasy...
MaryRiddle (4 posts)
-2
5 years ago (2012-10-03)
This sounds like "Charmed", the TV series, maybe it can help you. Watch it.:/ And if you'd like, I'll try to help you too. I've had a pretty weird experiences myself and I am familiar with the supernatural to an extent, and I am one of them (supernatural beings, but I'm also human), I have also tried suicide before, so I know how you feel, you can email me.:) (Ruth-Ma [at] hotmail.com)
Nicole_Alec_123 (1 stories) (3 posts)
 
6 years ago (2012-03-07)
Referring to the first paragraph: I have a similar situation. My grandmother was a gypsy, like palm reading, taro cards, seeing the future, etc. She was also a sensitive as you call it. Her senses were past down to my mom and then to me. It's always the woman in the family. Non of the men in the family have it... It's a little odd but it seems to be almost genetic with certain families.

You should do some research on your family history, especially on your moms side if that's where it's coming from. See what started it...

But anyways, stay strong. I know how you feel, I know what you've been through because I've been through hell and back myself. Just keep going and you'll be fine. One thing to do is never show fear, no matter how scared you are don't show it. Fight back, it usually makes the thing back off and if it doesn't then you should get some religious help. ❤
Zanator (9 posts)
 
6 years ago (2012-01-04)
Not exactly... Suicide is considered one of the greatests sins that sends you to hell becouse youre taking your own life... Now, a sin can be forgiven by confession, and the true feelings of regret, but you don't have time to do these things becouse youre allready dead... Thats why suicide takes you straight to hell no matter what...
swagkid (1 stories) (8 posts)
-1
6 years ago (2011-09-01)
Please everybody stop making comments about heaven/hell and jesus and all that. Lets keep religion out of this because it will only cause arguments and that is the last thing this person needs.
BlueTurtle (3 stories) (176 posts)
+2
6 years ago (2011-08-26)
For all you people who are mocking this person or telling him to grow up, you should be ashamed of yourselves. You have no idea what he's going through and the daily torment he's experiencing. When you start feeling the way he does, whether it's by some unique physical ailment or if it's the result of paranormal activity, then you can judge.
At fightforfreedom, if you're still around, and I hope you are, don't give up. Suicide is not the answer and, given your attempts, it seems that something wants you to stick around. I would suggest to continue to seek help with the church (though I'm not very religious myself) it may help calm the evil entities that seem to surround you. Indulge in calming activities and remember to treat yourself. You're not insane and you shouldn't feel ashamed of what's happened to you. You just need help. Gather strength from those that love you and you'll find a way through this.
BoredOne (10 posts)
-2
7 years ago (2011-04-09)
First stop complaining secondly be firm with yourself if you want it to stop, thirdly killing yourself will just create scars for others, Fourthly your a person who will probably learned to deal with this either becoming a renoun psychic, a scared old person who will jump like a cowardat every turn, or someone who will use this ability/curse/gift to help people that are actaully like you. Everyone has a plan made for them whether that abilty/curse/gift is part of it it noit my place to claim that I know, but in life there are tools that are given to us that can be used to help us or to be used against us. That ability/curse/gift is just a tool, but it's yours and I doubt you want it to be used against you.
croat-babe (5 posts)
+1
7 years ago (2011-03-26)
im really sorry that you went through all of that and thank you for being brave enough to share your story
Suicide might seem like the awnser but it is not, they are doing this to a living person now once you cross over and are in the same 'realm' as them they will do worse
I really hope that you have found some help with getting this thing away from you and back into hell, don't let them get the better of you!

All the best
Mishka 😁
ever101 (4 posts)
 
7 years ago (2011-03-10)
there right sucide won't help my m8 harly has got schitz and he tried to kill himself and when I went to see him at his some weird stuff happens around there but sucide don't help keep living yoyr life love ever
KimSouthO (27 stories) (1960 posts)
+1
7 years ago (2011-02-18)
I agree, there is a God, there is a Satan. There is a Heaven and there is a Hell.

We may never know the reasons some of us seem to go through more trials and tribulations thatn others, but they do.

I encounrage you to talk-talk until your throat hurts and all you can do is whisper. Get it ALL out.

Do not let the darness win. Hell is forever and from just reading what you have written here, that is not where you should go.

I am praying for you,
God Bless!
vogysgirl (7 posts)
+1
7 years ago (2011-02-18)
Janice, you can't believe in one & not the other. Doesn't work like that. If there's a God, then there's Lucifer, Satan, The Devil. Don't be stupid.
andrea2772 (1 posts)
 
7 years ago (2010-12-26)
Just let me say you are not the only one who has gone through somehting like this... For as long as I can remember I have had odd things such as this happen to me... Waking up with new marks, cuts, all over my body or even blacking out and doing so without remembering... I have been hospitalized in psychiatric hospitals have been in and out of therapy on meds... I have been diagnosed with bipolar as well... When I know I'm not as crazy as they think I am... There is much more going on... The worst of the times were when I was 14 and living in my mothers basement... I would see many shadows in pitch black and also things underneath my bad that would come out... Even one time dragged me underneath of it... I have heard voices telling me I am nothing, worthless and tempting me to kill myself... Sadly I have tried... Too many times... However, thankfully failed... It was about two years of somewhat peace... And now it is all beginning again... I am scared but and I do not believe that"god" can save me... I have been researching and trying to figure out what these things are that have followed me through out my life... So far I keep coming to dead ends... I have also had a rough life with many horrible things happening to me... I have thought that maybe whatever they are they are attracted to that... But I cannot be certain... I'm hoping the best for you and I hope that somehow we can learn from each other and help to figure it out and figure out what to do...
LightSpirit (2 posts)
 
7 years ago (2010-12-07)
Hey buddy welcome in grown up world!

Now,

Are you still having problems with anything?

If so I might be able to help you!
xAkumax (3 stories) (36 posts)
+3
7 years ago (2010-11-09)
I can assure you suicide is not the answer. If these thigns are tormenting you while your living, think of the things they can do to a free soul. The best thing to do is to attempt to fight whatever this is, bless your room, bless yourself, bless your house, use sage, salt, silver, olive oil. Whatever you need to use, and if it physically pains you to perform these tasks, then you may want to consider finding an exorcist. Another great test for you, would be to have some water blessed by a preist or pastor. Attempt to drink the water and if you feel ill or the water taste disgusting, then the exorcist should be the next one for you to call. I wish you the best of luck but do not take the easy way out... In the end it's not truly the better path. As I said, they'd have a lot more power over you in their domain then they would in yours. Best of luck.

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