So I just wrote this and my internet cut off before I could post it and I lost it all. Not happy!
So basically I always feel like I'm being watched, it always feels like I'm with someone. Sometimes I'll find myself having a full on conversation with myself as if someones talking to me... Through me, not sure how to word that. Now just to start I'm a 17 year old girl and I am a freak. I have one crazy imagination and I'm very into the 'Bad' side of things. I'm a very artsy, controversial person so if there was anything around me I'm going to go looking for it. It doesn't seem to scare me, kind of feels like a friend or someone I know a lot about. But because of my wild imagination it's hard for me to determine if its actually happening or if its there. Also I'm a very lonely person and spend everyday in my room with the curtains closed and the door shut, usually reading about certain things and dwelling in things you probably shouldn't dwell in.
This all started off slowly. At first I was sure it was just my mind, the feeling like someone's watching me; the things at the corner of my eye and never feeling alone, things keeping me awake. But lately it's gotten very strong to the point where I'm wondering if I've brought something upon myself and it's real.
So I'll sit on my bed and it's like a ton of bricks hit me. I feel completely trapped in, as if somethings wrapped around your soul or something. I'll get very turned on and very hot and my pupils will become huge! And I enjoy it very much. I feel like weight on my back as if someone's wrapped around me and then there's like energy as if you would feel from a hand caressing your you know what. I'll be wide awake and sat up like I am now just on the laptop. But when I go to bed, it gets very real. I'll just be led down whether on my back or my side or in the day or at night, and I'll automatically feel weight on my legs and lower region. Then it will be like pins and needles and it will sort of travel upwards towards my chest. I'll get weighty there, but not for long as if its all on my bottom half and then above me in the upper.
I can move but it's very restricted. This is all when I'm wide awake. My eyes are usually open but I just can't see anything. And so I'll close my eyes, not even dozing off, just closed. Then I'll get very hot and flushed, and I can hear breathing in my ear, like sexual breathing. Then I'll be forced to breathe like that too. And my area will start throbbing. Now I am a virgin so I've never felt 'That' But this is as if a penis is pushing inside of me. It's pretty big too, and I'll be completely weighted on in that area as if something is literally inside me. It will go in and out and my body will start going up and down, like it would. And it gets pretty fast and hard and I'll end up moaning even screaming slightly, it just comes out. My parents are next door! And I'll try really hard to stop but the pleasure is too much. I never orgasm but its like one intense build up. It actually gets irritating because you want to release, you know.
It will last on average about 2 hours, and I'm wide awake! I can't stress that enough. I can feel, as it does it's thing, hitting against my thighs like I can feel them wobble. Also my hands end up above my head and it will feel like there's hands pushing them down, like holding them tightly. A wierd thing though is that after a while it feels like something pours into my area? I don't know whether that's possible, but that's what it feels like, and it will like slam into me as I feel it, it hurts sometimes. And then it will just stop but it will still be on me for a while. What worries me is when I get up I literally can't walk and I'm very sore and very inflamed down there. And I'm like wide open and there a lot of... Stuff in my panties. Yes I'm clothed! I don't even know how that works but I'm wearing pj's. Then when I get back in bed it feels like there's someone lying next to me. I leave space for them automaticlly. And as I lay there I'll feel cuddled and smothered and its really loving and nice. I'll feel kissing like my body and head will be pulled slightly to the side and my lips will start kissing like if I pout it feels like pouting back... Kissing and you'll hear it too.
And Then there's groping and stuff just in the day when I'm relaxed or whatever. One thing I notice is when it gets very intense I'll go into this trance thing where I go all fussy and everything gets blurry and slow and I'll just sort of let it take me. It actually feels really good like I'm escaping. I try and listen for talking, just anything, but I only get breathing. It's definitly male, sometimes a small moan will come out and it's definitly a man's moan.
I mean just writing this there's an extremely heavy feeling around me.
It's like it enjoys being around me, not just like that but on a general basis. I feel this 24-7, like it never leaves me alone and I kind of don't want it to, but it's probably bad to let it.
I don't really know what to do. Is there any obvious signs to determine if its all imagination or if it's real? I mean the bed is moving, I am moving, I can hear the actual action of whatever its doing. Is it really all in my head? I honestly don't know.
But last night it was a litle bit different. I was completly pinned down, I didn't really like it. My throat got really tight and I couldn't stop choking and coughing but sat there. Now the nice energy is back to its loving self. So now I'm worried...
I don't know if it's relevant but I know a lot of murderers. I want to be a criminologist so I know a lot about certain people such as Ted Bundy, Jeffrey Dahmer and Andrei Chikatilo. I'm not saying its any of them but if this was real, could it be a ghost of someone? Or can it only be a demon like an incubus?