Greetings to you all. Kids all over the world live their lives as kids, they play, they study, and they enjoy their time, but my childhood was what I call "a disaster".
Before I started going to school I was living in Jordan, a country close to Israel. Later on when I turned 5 years old my dad had to move to a part in Saudi Arabia for work, and we, as his family, my mom, me, and my little sister, had to move with him.
Moving to a new country, with new life styles, and being just completely different than people living there made it harder for me as a shy, scared, and a quite kid to even try make any friends, as I did not have any friends when I was in Jordan, but I was happy of having my grand-mother around who was a second mother to me.
It broke my heart to leave, and it made me worse than the way I was before moving. My mom looked at me as we entered the place where we are going to live and said "it will all be ok, I'm right here with you, you can make friends I just believe in you". At that time a weird feeling of fear captured my heart. The neighborhood had a huge fence all around it, it had huge old buildings, and every building included many hallways. In each hallway there were 10 wooden doors beside each other, every apartment did not include normal windows, they included little windows over each and every door, and this way you can not actually see people walking unless you open the front door. I can describe the whole building as a huge square with no way to breathe from unless you get a chair and stand on it to open the 2 small windows above the front door, which I could not do because I was only 5.
As I expected I did not make any friends, because I was different, since being a kid from another country, who speaks differently, and above all I'm not talkative. One day after few months, right after I started going to school, I came back home with the usual quite face and attitude, sat down on my bed and started doing my homework.
I was a kid who did not have many toys, because my dad had nothing to do with me, and always told me that buying anything is a waste of money, and for that reason I cherished every little thing I had. One thing I had was a piano shaped note book that my grand-mother bought me from jordan. After I finished my homework I took out the note book and started writing my diaries, and as I continued writing I started crying saying to myself "no one loves you, no one wants to be your friend".
As I said that I heard knocks coming from inside my closet, I looked at it in fear, then it actually stopped, I continued writing and the knocking happened again, but this time it was louder, which made me scream and run out. My mom searched everywhere in the closet telling me that there is nothing in there, but still I was terrified.
The next night, I was watching TV with my little sister who was still 2 years old, enjoying the cartoons, I suddenly heard my mom's voice calling me from the kitchen, as I went in there I did not find my mom, but I found a kid, it was a girl. She stared at me for so long, and I did not realize what she is, I smiled at her and said hi, hoping to have a friend once in my life, but she did not answer back, that is when my mom came to the kitchen from behind me and said "here you are ! Did you eat your dinner?". I turned at her with a smile and said " mom I made a friend see? " while pointing at the little girl, my mom looked there and smiled and told me "where is your friend?". I turned my head back and she was gone.
I did not get bothered by it because I did not know what is going on, so I went back to watch TV, and I sat down, suddenly I said "ok", got up, and pushed the TV off the counter and broke it. My mom came running and with shock asked me what happened, that's when I told her my friend told me to.
My mom felt bad for me, thinking that I created an imaginary friend to fulfill my loneliness, but it was more than that. The next day as I was sitting on my bed writing what I feel in my piano note book, something started writing back to me on it, and it said "how are you?". I smiled and said " I'm ok ". My mom at that time passed by the room and heard that, still convinced that it is me playing with my imaginary friend. She wrote back to me " I'm 16, what about you?". I wrote to her "I'm 7", and that was the beginning of it all.
Later that day, when it turned around 8 p.m, I went to bed, my mom came to me and told me that she has to go to the grocery store with dad to buy groceries, and she will not be long, so she wants me to baby sit my little sister in case she wakes up. I nodded to her, and they sat down for a while waiting for us to sleep so they can go without scaring us, and indeed I slept.
I woke up after half an hour, with wide open eyes, completely terrified, and pointing at the wall in front of my bed, which I do not remember more about it. I got thirsty, got up, and went to the kitchen to get water after closing the door behind me to keep my little sister safe. My sister had frightening dolls, and they used to scare me too much, even until now I fear dolls, because I was forced to watch the movie "chucky" when I was 5 years old, with the next door kids tying me to a chair forcing me to watch it in a dark room, leaving me in there, which traumatized me for life. For this reason mom had to take all my sister's dolls and lock them in the storeroom, locking it every night in front of me.
I passed the door where the dolls all were, holding the cup, trying to run faster to get into my bed as soon as possible, and that's when I heard somebody knocking from inside the storeroom door. I started sweating from fear, my hands turned blue, and I could not swallow the water, but the knocks did not stop. A voice then talked to me and started calling my name in a tone as if we are playing hide and seek, she was talking from behind that door, it was the 16 year old girl, who I thought was my friend.
I started screaming, ran to the phone and called mom's friend who was a next door neighbour, she answered the phone and I could not speak, she kept saying hello until I started screaming " HELP ME ! I WILL DIE ! PLEASE HELP ME!". She started telling me to calm down, asking me where my mom is and what is happening, and that is when I hung up, almost had a heart attack as I heard somebody breaking plates in the kitchen. I ran to the front door not able to feel my legs from fear I tried to open it but it was locked. Shaking and out of breath, I heard the neighbour trying to open the door from the other side telling me to try with her while she was hearing me cry and scream with noises around me, and suddenly I heard the storeroom door opening, that is when I passed out from fear next to the door.
I am 22 years old now, and back to jordan since I was 12, I do know that she is still around, because I feel her, dream about her, and hear her humming most of the time, but why is she still stuck to me? And what did I do wrong? Was I an easy target since I was with no friends? Am I still an easy target? I wonder why she still wants to hurt me...