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My Soul Mate


My cousin was murdered a little over two years ago in California. He and I were very close. He was the brother I never had and since he was murdered I haven't been the same. I feel like he was my soul mate. That sounds weird because he was my cousin but who says your soul mate has to be your spouse? Your soul mate is the other half of you. That's all. I also believe that we knew each other in a past life. Maybe all of them. I don't know why I feel like we did but I do. I tell you this because it is relevant to my story.

The day my cousin died, Feb. 22, 2007, was horrible. When he quit breathing I could feel it. I quit breathing also. Not because I wanted to but because I couldn't breath. After that night I was crushed. I started having dreams about him. I have always had premonitions in my dreams and my deceased family has always visited me while I'm sleeping. I believe that is my gift.

The visits would be brief. They consisted of him telling me that it wasn't my fault and he loved me. I would wake up with his scent on me. I loved those nights that he would come to see me. I always woke up feeling better.

One night I was feeling really responsible for his murder, he wanted to come stay with me and I wouldn't let him until he got his act together. I have three kids to protect so he understood. This particular night he came to me while I was sleeping in the form of a letter. In my "dream" I went outside to check my mailbox and I had a letter in there from him. The letter told me that he loved me very much and it wasn't my fault. He also said that I had to let him go so that he could move on. I remember thinking, let you go? That's crazy. Never!

I woke up feeling guilty for being so selfish. That night when I went to my room I told my cousin that I loved him too and that I was ready. I told him that he could go "home." I was balling my eyes out and rolled onto my side. On my side of the bed there is a vanity with a mirror on it. I opened my eyes and looked into the mirror and there he was. He was wearing his favorite blue shirt and smiling. I felt so peaceful after that and fell into a dreamless sleep. I believe he came to tell me goodbye. I haven't heard from him since so I guess he made it to heaven. I miss him so much it hurts but I know he is in a better place.

R.I.P Leon Drue Huddleston

05-30-1981 to 02-22-2007

Just so ya'll know, the people who murdered him are caught.

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, raingrl01, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

raingrl01 (5 stories) (151 posts)
13 years ago (2009-04-08)
I do still a little responsible but I guess that feeling will fade with time. I hope it will fade with time but I doubt it. His birthday would have been next month so it will be hard. I will deal with it though just like I deal with everything else life decides to throw at me. Again, thanks for the support everyone. ❤ ❤ ❤
CenterCore (guest)
13 years ago (2009-04-08)
WOW, raingrl01... I am so sorry to hear about that. I understand you must feel somewhat responsible; it's only natural. But remember, though, that you're not. I blamed myself a few years ago when the best friend I ever had committed suicide. I know EXACTLY how you feel, because that's what he was to me. It's easy to say that "Jerry" is my soul mate, because he is basically the other half of me... But that's not true. I really feel for you and I hope you know that his death was not a result of your actions. He would never want you to think so. Also keep in mind; he'll never feel pain again. I hate to stir up these memories for you, because I can tell it hurts, but when someone has that much of an impact on your life, they're there forever. Very, very emotional, and very intriguing. Thank you for sharing this with us, and I hope things are going alright for you. I believe my email is in my profile, but if not, I'll put it there now. Feel free to write any time if you need someone to listen to you about anything.
DeathKnight12 (6 stories) (28 posts)
13 years ago (2009-03-19)
I am so sorry about the lost of a friend or a loved one and I'm glad you feel a lot better now. That I'm also glad that the murderers were caught at least to avenge your cousin
God Bless
DeathKnight12 😭 😉
ahhitscaty (2 stories) (7 posts)
13 years ago (2009-03-14)
im so sorry for your lose. I would like to add as well you are very lucky to be able to see and hear your family after death while it is sad I also imagine that it is comforting to see that they are not as sad or miserable as I think I sometimes imagine my dead family to be:)
snowflake (5 stories) (61 posts)
13 years ago (2009-03-14)
First of all, sorry to hear of your loss. I'd feel the same way if I were in your shoes. May he rest in peace now. I agree with what you said, he was coming to you to say goodbye. Kinda beating around the bush about it. I'm glad to hear you're healing though. And yes, this was a touching story 😊
Ciel (2 stories) (29 posts)
13 years ago (2009-03-13)
That's truly awful, and I'm glad you were able to overcome the trial, as I am glad your cousin was able to as well. I suppose these other family members you mentioned must overcome it as well if he is visiting them too.

Hey, raingrl? I see you around a lot, and I have two stories from younger years in my life. Maybe you'd like to, or be kind to throw your comment in?
raingrl01 (5 stories) (151 posts)
13 years ago (2009-03-11)
Thanks for the support everyone. It means so much to me. Reading some of your responses brought me to tears. Just to know that there are people out there that care means a lot. 😊 Thanks!
Togetic (1 stories) (12 posts)
13 years ago (2009-03-11)
Im so sorry for what happend. I hope both of you get to see each other again in heaven. Thanks for sharing your story with us 😁
nightangel (1 stories) (18 posts)
13 years ago (2009-03-11)
I am so so sorry for your loss 😢. I think you were very brave to let him go, after losing my mom I understood how hard it was to let go.



P.s. Am soo glad to know those #$ [at] # were caught, karma would/ will get them anyway.
raingrl01 (5 stories) (151 posts)
13 years ago (2009-03-11)
Thanks for all of the comments everyone. They do help. As for why they killed my cousin... Have ya'll ever heard of the Mongol biker gang? My cousin bad mouthed their gang and they beat him with a pool stick for it. Then they left him there for hours before calling the police. If someone had called as soon as it happened then he might have been saved. 😠

I wish he would come to visit me again but on the up side... He finally went to let his dad know that he was alright. I talked to my aunt and she said that their lights are dimming for no reason and she is finding pennies everywhere and doing a few other things that my cousin was known for.
kwghost (1 stories) (40 posts)
13 years ago (2009-03-11)
o.o nice~ thanks for sharing your experience with us... Anywayz did you know why the murderers killed your brother for? He seems like a good person... So I can't really think of a reason why people would want to kill him...
Tonith (1136 posts)
13 years ago (2009-03-11)
Guilt serves no purpose and your cousin didn't want you feeling like that. You did what you had to do and you could not have done differently. If he had to get his act together I am assuming he was not on a good path. By coming to you in your dreams he was telling you he alone was responsible for his actions and it wasn't anything you did or didn't do. He is at peace and he wants you to be at peace too. The best gift you can give him is doing as he asks. Letting him go and letting him move forward and I'm glad you were able to do so. It will get easier as time goes on. We also have the comfort of knowing we will see our love ones again. Not all believe this but I do. There are those that think grief causes these hallucinations and dream communications but I beg to differ. People with no deep grief have gotten personal communications from passed loved ones and were just as surprised to have it happen to them. Sorry for your loss but sounds like you are handling it with a little help from a loving cousin. I'm glad they caught the people who did this horrendous deed. To forgive them will also help you heal. I believe your cousin already has forgiven them because he is at peace.
ghostboy001 (4 stories) (137 posts)
13 years ago (2009-03-10)
He must have cared for you a lot to have wanted to talk to you. He was trying to tell you he was at peace. This story made me think what if this hapeend to my cousin I would be so upset.
At least the killer (s) were caught.❤

God Bless all. GB001
luvrupurt (10 posts)
13 years ago (2009-03-10)
Thats so sweet that he came and visited you in your dreams. I know how it feels to be so close to someone that you feel what they feel. I hope one day you will reunite. Look forward, not back! Remember all the great times you had with your cousin. 😊
angelboo424 (28 posts)
13 years ago (2009-03-10)
Many prayers and much healing are being sent to you and your family from me. I know how horrible it is to lose someone so close to you like that. My sister in law and I were the same way and she crossed over so young and suddenly too.
Your cousin is coming to you in your dreams because that is the easiest way for someone who has crossed to get your attention (when you are in a dream state) trust him and believe him, it's not your fault and you need to move on too.

raingrl01 (5 stories) (151 posts)
13 years ago (2009-03-10)
Thanks! I am trying to move on and I can even go about a half a day without thinking about him. That is something new. The guilt is still there but I am not the only one who has guilt. His mom and dad feel it too. So we talk a lot about it and him. We try to remember the good times and my aunt, his mom, will tell me stories from when we were younger and I would follow him around. I wish I could still follow him around. LOL! Anyways... Thanks and have a great day! 😊
hobbyholly (11 stories) (572 posts)
13 years ago (2009-03-10)
Thanks for such a personal story. I'm sorry for your loss. Although, if you two were close in real life, I'm sure you're close in the "after".

Also: I know it is easier said than done, but don't let the guilt get to you. How were you to know? I'm sure he wouldn't want you to feel guilt along with the pain of him no longer being alive.
raingrl01 (5 stories) (151 posts)
13 years ago (2009-03-10)
Thanks! It still hurts a lot but every day gets a little better. I know that one day I will see him again. 😊
dancingmist107 (18 posts)
13 years ago (2009-03-10)
wow that's a touching story. I would be crushed to if my cousin died. I'm glad you feel a lot better now. 😊

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