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A Helping Hand


My mother passed away not too long ago - 19 March 2013 - she was unwell for quite some time.

The week before she died she was in hospital - she was living in an old age home. When I got to the hospital they had discharged her, nothing was wrong with her. I decided to take her home with me until the weekend to check that she was fine. After that first day I knew she was going to die and this had been her last wish, to spend her last few days with me.

She was getting better, but on the Saturday she went backwards quickly. Not getting out of bed, not eating or drinking anything. I was still trying to help, trying to get her to eat something until I also gave up and let her know that everything is fine and that if she felt it was her time to go that she could.

Now in the week my mother was staying with me, I started feeling my father's presence in the flat. I started praying for myself to be strong enough to handle this. I could not sleep that week and when I looked to my side, I saw my father standing by me. Now for those of you that have read my previous posts you will know that my boyfriend has certain gifts. I always just felt them never saw them until that moment.

My boyfriend explained it to me, saying that it was my need for strength and my father that opened me up to seeing him in that moment.

I did not freak out seeing him, just calmly laid back down and went about watching the dvd. I still could not sleep.

Now on the Monday I went to work, my mom being at my flat with my boyfriend's sister just watching over her. On that Monday I got home before my boyfriend and saw my mother lying on the bed. What I saw was a woman who had already died in spirit but her body was still living. The part of her spirit holding on was concerned about me. When I saw the suffering I had asked everyone to leave the room as I needed to speak to my mother alone. I told her, "It is okay to let go," that I would be fine and that I am happy.

My boyfriend got home and had found me outside crying my eyes out (obviously) and went inside to check on my mom' she was still holding on. He came out of the room and told me that there were a couple of spirits with my mother. My father was talking to her and there were 3 others with him for backup. My brother, sister and an old family friend of ours that had committed suicide a couple years before.

We had called the ambulance and they had taken her back to hospital and had admitted her there after a couple of hours of waiting in Casualty. But that time I needed to get away, I gave my mom a goodbye hug and kiss and left her there.

The next morning at 10:45 the hospital called me and informed me that my mother had passed away. I still feel guilt, especially for the last couple of years. But that is a story for another time.

Thank you for reading.


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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Adb0423, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

SoulTraveler2305 (2 posts)
8 years ago (2013-07-02)
PS: I'm not saying that all spirits want to be left on their own when they die. There may be souls that do need the comfort of loved ones being around. But I'm convinced they choose the right moment for themselves and their loved ones.
SoulTraveler2305 (2 posts)
8 years ago (2013-07-02)
Adb0423, I'm absolutely sure you did the best you could for your mom. You gave her your support and love, and reassured her that crossing over is okay. This in itself is very courageous and selfless. Not many people have the guts and the love to allow a loved one to move on.
When my father died about 20 years ago, I was right next to him, but fast asleep, after some very exhausting days. I felt guilty about this, but was told by nurses that many people die the moment the attention from their relatives is not on them. They want to die in dignity, and seeing a person take his last breath is often very disturbing and traumatic. Namaste
Adb0423 (4 stories) (7 posts)
8 years ago (2013-05-06)
WestboundShauna: Yes, I believe that my mom held on until she was reassured that I would be fine.

Amie_16: The helping hand had nothing to do with me, but everything with my mother. Our family that had passed on came to help her not me. But I still feel them around me, not all the time but every now and again.
WishfulNull (151 posts)
8 years ago (2013-05-05)
Thank you for sharing such a personal and touching story. I'm glad that your mom had plenty of loved ones to help her on her journey, and I really don't think you should feel guilty. You did your best for her, reassured her, and gave her the time she must have needed to process and think through everything in her mind, before finally going to be with her other family and friends waiting on the other side. She knows you loved her and that you will be okay, even though of course we miss our loved ones who have passed. I hope you keep happy memories of her in your heart, and stay strong. All the best to you ❤
valkricry (47 stories) (3161 posts) mod
8 years ago (2013-05-04)
I am sorry for your loss, but I find no need for you to feel guilty. You had done all you could, and I believe, your Mother knew this. The past is the past, you can not change nor alter it, you simply must accept it and move on. You need to let go of that. Do not forget the lessons learned though. Each and every person in our lives are only on 'loan' so to speak, so we need to treasure and make that time count.
Amie_16 (2 stories) (104 posts)
8 years ago (2013-05-04)
Really really sad story. I'm sorry for your loss 😢 😢
So as the name of the story is, 'a helping hand' but what exactly was helpful to you I don't understand that. 😕
WestboundShauna (1 stories) (5 posts)
8 years ago (2013-05-04)
Very sorry for your loss.

I think it's common for people to hang on for some reason before they pass on. Your story reminded me of my Granny's death. She was in a hospice and had said goodbye to everyone except her sister. She had no energy left, hadn't ate or drank anything or opened her eyes in a couple of days.

The immediate family was gathered in the room and when her sister arrived, my Granny found the strength to open her eyes and look at her sister, then she took her last breath.

Before this, during the period she was still talking, she mentioned seeing 'Paul' in the room a couple of times, her son who had passed away about 20 years previously. I think he was there to look after her and the family.

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