To all readers, new and established, this is a story about my most recent experiences with my resident guardian spirits. That would be Charlie and Gran (her name was Allen Mari by the way, and yes, that is her real name, though people who knew her very well called her Monta).
Lately I have noticed that their need to communicate with me has been growing stronger. But I think, in large part, it also has to do with the fact that I feel so terribly cut off from them since Tim's connection has been so horribly affected. I have my moments where I wish they could just break through completely so I can see or hear, but as Tim has warned me (and as my own common sense tells me) being that open to them, means I am that open to all, and it still scares the life out of me.
As I am sitting behind my desk typing, I have the sensation of fingers touching my hair. Charlie is letting me know he's here. I told him out loud yesterday that I need to see him some way, because the only time I have "seen" him since coming to learn he is with me, was when I was living a night of sheer terror. And I only saw him in my mind's eye, as my eyes were closed, if that makes any sense. I so badly want him to show up on a picture, but he never posed for me while alive, and since he is now invisible to my eyes, he is reveling in the fact that I can't catch him. I can feel that self satisfied smile of his that I loved so much.
About 5 weeks ago, I got to work one morning. I was alone in the building and the light was off in my office, though the front light was on and it cast a dim light at my back. But, for a moment, I was scared to put my key in the lock to go into that office. And the moment the fear surfaced, a shadow appeared over my right shoulder. A man, over 6 feet tall, looming over my shoulder, and instead of the fear being ratcheted up a notch, it subsided. It was Charlie, showing me I had nothing to fear, he was there.
Sunday, 6 July 2013, I was lying on my bed watching a movie on my laptop. I had my back to the bedroom door and my chest of drawers. Whilst lying there I became aware of soft but insistent taps on my chest of drawers. I tilted my head and looked at it, and the noise stopped. So I just smiled and turned my attention back to the screen. No sooner had I done that, when tapping started again. Once again, I looked at the chest of drawers, and this time I asked my Gran what was wrong. I could feel her there. With my attention turned away from the laptop, I caught light out the corner of my eye, and realized I had gotten a message. My friend Elaine had sent me a message asking if they could borrow my nebulizer for their son, as he was very sick and was struggling with his chest.
Now, having 2 little boys with severe lung problems themselves, a nebulizer is a must-have in my home. And they are both sick at the moment, so a few thoughts entered my mind. Number 1, thinking of my kids and what is potentially dangerous to them and their health, I cannot lend out their nebulizer. It's like letting someone use your toothbrush. Number 2, they are sick themselves, so I cannot do without theirs at all in any case. Number 3, that little boy needs help. So I got up, got my kids dressed up warm, got in the car and drove from pharmacy to pharmacy looking for a nebulizer. I had sent her a message and told her I can't lend my nebulizer out, but she just had to hold on, I was going to make a plan, and she seemed so down and dejected when she answered and said I shouldn't worry, they will think of something else. But, my Gran had gotten me focused on this mission, it was important, so I was not going to let it go.
Our third stop paid off, I bought a brand new nebulizer and took it to Tim and Elaine's home. She came out to the gate and when I handed her the bag she broke down in tears, telling me they already owe me so much, they don't know how they will repay me. I told her I don't want anything, they need to focus on their son and get him better. He was hospitalized with pneumonia on Monday.
11 July 2013, I was headed to the lounge from the kitchen, with a cup of coffee in hand, and right before I got to the step leading into the lounge, I suddenly had the very distinct feeling that a hand had taken hold of my right arm to steady me as I walked. Charlie being cautious that I don't slip or misstep with hot coffee in my hand?
As I was getting ready to drift off to sleep last night, I clearly felt my Gran on the bed, and she was stroking my hair. Within seconds of the stroking starting, one of my boys had a coughing fit and came into my room for help. Gran had made sure I wake up gradually instead of being woken up by him coughing and struggling to breathe and being panicked because I was drowsy. They know me so well.
With the posting being closed for so long, we have now progressed to 14 August 2013. 3 Sundays ago, 27 July, I had made dinner for my family, had dished up and been contemplating whether or not to eat dinner myself. I wasn't really hungry. As I was standing in the kitchen there were 3 very clear knocks on the refrigerator. I looked at it and smiled, wondering if it was Charlie or Gran. So I sent Tim a message and asked him if he knew who had been knocking.
It took him a while to answer and by the time he did, I had eaten a bit of food and been sitting in the lounge with my kids. His reply came that Gran was in the kitchen, I had to go to the refrigerator because there was something I had forgotten. Puzzled, I went to the kitchen and opened the fridge, looking around for whatever I may have forgotten. On the third shelf stood a box of custard, and it dawned on me, one of my boys had asked me in the shop that morning if we could buy custard, and I had told him that there was some at home which he could have later. I sent Tim a message telling him this, and he responded saying: "Gran is pointing a finger at you, not impressed. You made a promise and you forgot."
So I called my son and asked him if he still wanted custard. And he did. I gave it to him and then Tim let me know that Gran reiterated that we should remember promises, especially when made to "her boys" as she put it. Then he said she was also upset because I have not been eating right. He said I have to remember that when I don't eat, I hurt myself, and I hurt her. That is why she was knocking on the fridge. She doesn't like the fact that I tend to want to drink protein shakes in the evenings instead of eating a real meal, most likely because she doesn't see that I eat 4 small meals a day before I get home at night. So I have made a conscious effort to rather switch things around so she can see me eat something decent at night.
My ghosties may not be able to get through to me without touching me or making noises, but they are very active and know how to get my attention when there is need for it.