I know it's been a year and I vanished suddenly, but I have a very good reason. If you all remember I'd picked up/was under attack by, a very malevolent entity. My mentor, a man sent to me by my brother, instructed and assisted me to free myself. The rituals/prayers/cleansing were very intense, every night and every morning. They lasted just over a year. Another of his instructions was to avoid anything that might give the entity the ability to draw energy from me and the people around me. He asked what I might be doing to draw the being to me and feed it. This forum was one of the things I mentioned. He said to avoid it until such a time as the creature was completely gone, as remembering and putting things that put pain or fear into the forefront of my mind might embolden or strengthen it. That is why I vanished suddenly. I made other changes in my life, and cultivated a simpler, more organic lifestyle.
I am happy to say the entity is finally gone. I believe I am free of that entity and if something similar comes calling I know I have the strength to deal with it.
However, I am devastated by the final cost of my freedom. Everything has a price, that's what they say. But price rarely measure true cost.
About six weeks ago I could feel 'it' was almost gone. It was angry and desperate, and after several months of quiet, there was a waiting, gathering feeling of power, anger, rage around me. On that night, I was on my bed, reciting prayers and shivering because of the malevolence around me, when Leia, my 11 year old Basset Hound, leapt up on me and started growling and baring fangs at the air at the foot of my bed. Normally she whimpers and hides behind me when I have 'guests.'
Not this time. She stood covering my body, tail in my face Feet on my thighs, and she was in full 'I will eat you' mode. Her jowls were drawn up, her teeth bared, and her whole body was tight, as if ready to spring into attack. The only movement in her was the vibration of a growl that would terrify any right thinking creature.
I should mention that although 11 years old, the normal life expectancy of a Bassett, she was in great shape. She ran up and down stairs like a pup, she frolicked in the yard, chasing (and catching) birds, squirrels, and rabbits.
The feeling of 'it' exploded. I felt like the air had suddenly been sucked out of my lungs. Leia screamed and reared up, froze for a second, then dropped to me, screaming. If you've ever heard a Bassett scream, you know it is horrifying. If you haven't - pray you never do.
From that moment on, I could not feel 'it' any longer. It was gone... But Leia, my beautiful Leia... After hours and hours of screaming unabated... We brought her to the vet as soon as he opened. The vet said she had fluid in her heart and lungs and that she was painfully dying from it. He said there was nothing we could do, and she was going to die very soon. We made the hard choice to have her sedated until she passed.
We know this wasn't an existing condition. We'd brought her in for a dental cleaning and checkup less than two weeks prior. No I firmly believe she took the attack meant for me.
Since her passing I've looked for her, listened and felt for her. Not a hint. I hope that means she's at rest and out of pain. It feels done but the cost was very steep and I'll pay for a very long time.
I continue to listen for a snuffle-whine or maybe a far off bay as she chases bunnies somewhere beyond. My greatest fear is that she somehow traded herself for me and is now in pain being gripped by 'it.'
I ask the creator every day to look after all of my precious lost ones. I hope he's listening as hard as I listen for my dear ones.