Hope you are all doing well and keeping yourselves happy and as peaceful as possible.
Last year I lost my cousin to what we were told was COVID. I wrote about my experiences during that tumultuous time in another story, which you can find if you view my profile.
It has been over a year now and we have not had any updates on what truly happened to him. Our entire family has come to the conclusion that he committed suicide. I did speak with his brother in the months afterwards and it seems that he wasn't found for a few days according to his account. My aunt (his mother) did not attend the funeral and forbade any of our family to come. Up to this day she will not talk to her sisters or brother about him. It feels like his life just ended not commemorated properly. It's a sad situation all around and I try my best not to think too deeply about it.
We had many memories as children and as young adults - before he got married the first time, he used to come up from Texas to Toronto almost every Christmas and Summer to hang out with me, my brother and our cousins. One morning I had come by to pick him up at what was his childhood home. We were talking about music and such and he asked if we had heard the song "Angel" by Shaggy. He stated that he loved that song - me and my little brother found it so out of his regular taste in music that it was hilarious to us.
That was just how my cousin was, a person who was surprising in many ways. He was also so so funny and so kind and smart. I just wish that whatever he was struggling with, whatever demons he could have had, I could have helped him in some way in his final days on earth as he had helped me when I needed him.
It was this wish I was making this past weekend. I and my boyfriend were at our local ribfest and I was holding some seats while he grabbed some ribs - in the background there was karaoke, a small fair and various food trucks. It was a typical Southern Ontario summer day, people were out enjoying the return of festivals, socializing and being outdoors, everyone looked so happy. Right there I wished that he was still alive.
Literally 1 second later, I hear the strains of "Angel" by Shaggy being performed onstage by someone - it was amazing! This song I had ALWAYS associated with my cousin, whether he knew it or not. The person also completely butchered the song - it was hilarious! I was here having this moment of awe, maybe feeling a bit spooked, but I couldn't help but laugh at how terrible this song was being sung. Especially in the throes of missing my cousin.
This could be a coincidence, but I truly believe my cousin was playfully letting me know that he's right here, he's still hilarious and that we will always be close even if we drifted apart in this life. His birthday is in a few days - I can't give him anything but I feel like he gave me something.
Happy Early Birthday, cousin! We miss and love you.