Christmas. It can be rather an emotional maze for many of us. This year has been a bit rougher for me than others. Since my son's death in 2002, all the holidays are a bit bittersweet, I think is the term for it. I miss him and the rest of my still living family very much, but even more so during the Holidays when everything seems so family orientated especially Christmas.
This Christmas my daughter informed me, as gently as possible, that she could only spend part of Christmas Eve with me, as she and the boyfriend are also going to his family's get together, and then of course Christmas Day is spent with her dad and his people. I think I'm okay with it, I WANT to be okay with it. But honestly, on the inside I'm being very pouty about it. Christmas Eve is suppose to be MY time. I know, grow up, right?
Anyway, things have been going on lately that lead me to think my son is hanging around. Silly, illogical things. At first I thought maybe some prankster passing through. Most of my family have a weird sense of humour, so it could be any of them.
Things were fairly normal (or at least what passes as normal around here) until last Monday when Christmas break began. Usually I can distract myself with work, or trying to plot out my work day. When I get home from work, I am quite frankly, too tired to think period. However, lacking work, my mind has too much time and wants to go into self-pity mode. I'll be alone on Christmas and blah blah blah... Yep the whole whiny, snotty nosed bit. I really can't stand me when I get like that, so I'm willing to entertain the notion that some of this could be a manifestation from my subconscious.
Monday, 12/21/2015: 4 AM:
I'm laying in bed telling myself I really need to put up the tree today. I swing my feet out of bed and in standing up, kick something across the floor. Turning on the overhead I see it's a small ornament my son had made me. I pick it up, wondering how it got there when I haven't even pulled the ornaments out of storage yet (or I'd blame the cat). Weird. I also noticed the room was a bit chilly (as was the apartment) but, hey, it is winter.
About 4:20 or so
I go to make coffee. So where are the grounds? Not on the shelf, not on the counter. Not in the fridge... Nowhere that makes any sense. Okay, maybe the roomie used it up (never should have taught him how to make coffee) and he forgot to tell me. Guess instant will have to do. So WHY is the can of coffee sitting in the microwave? Roomie denies knowledge of this when I ask later.
9AM I begin the ultimate woman vs tree struggle inside the closet. I practically have to empty the closet in order to get to the tree sections, then leverage the 2 pieces out one at a time into the living room. Sounds easy enough, but each section is nearly as big as me. The string I've wound and tied around the base section, as it's the widest, decides partway out of the closet to 'pop' and the tree opens up, squashing me against the wall. The wrestling match has begun in earnest now. At one point I actually said out loud, "Look, Tree, this ends one way. I win! So give up now!" I swear it felt as if someone was messing with me. You know how it feels to play tug of war with a dog? Well the tree was acting like that, like someone had hold of it and was just shaking it. Finally I victoriously drag it out. It was near 10Am when I finally had it assembled and ready to decorate. Funny, I couldn't find a break in that twine I had used. It was as if someone had undid the knot... Hmmmm.
At some point (not sure of the time) roomie remarked if I'd noticed every light in the house seemed to be flickering now and then. I confirmed I'd noticed and if it kept up, I'd get the landlord to send an electrician around.
4 AM, up to relieve myself and start the day. The apartment is still chilly feeling in spots. On my way through the living room one of my musical snowglobes start playing. Ok... Maybe the vibration of my steps set it off, but it plays its entire song. From the bathroom I hear the second snowglobe start playing as the first ends, again the entire song. I make my way back to the living room just as the last note is struck and my third globe does the same thing! I don't know any vibration that could cause this. They're the type with the windup key in the bottom, and they don't have 'off' switches or anything. Definitely odd to say the least.
Off and on through out the morning Kirby, my cat, acts like he's interacting with someone. I watch him stand on his hind legs, roll around on the floor as if 'wrestling' with someone, then tear around the room. Not as if he's scared, but playing. I can't help but to laugh.
Afternoon, 3:30pm or so
I'm sitting on the floor wrapping presents. As I was picking up the scissors, I happen to look into the glass of my curio cabinet, and for just a split second I thought I saw someone, a young man. It was barely more than an outline and so quickly gone, but I breathed my son's name all the same. Right after that the tape went missing. It wasn't lurking under the wrapping paper, nor under my leg. I hadn't gone anywhere... I stood up anyway and looked everywhere in arm's reach. Standing there, on a whim I spoke to the air, "Ha-ha very funny, Josh. Give the tape back, please." I jumped a foot into the air when something struck me softly in the back, turning around there laid the tape. Laughing I said "Geez, you expect me to catch it with my butt or what?"
I'm going to admit something here, might sound crazy, but I continued talking as I wrapped the presents. Nothing of great import, just Mom stuff. Like I miss him, and I was so grateful for the time we had as a family, and reliving some memories. He always could make me laugh. I did add if at all possible could he stop making the lights flicker if that was him, as it scares the roomie. They haven't flickered once since.