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To my Lost Siblings


I was born on 5th May after a very difficult pregnancy and an even more difficulty labour that nearly caused both, my mother's and my life. Mum still narrates every minute of it, with tears in her eyes, every chance she gets and I know that she still suffers every time she does.

Grandma (when still alive) would wait until the very end of the story to add, "who would have thought you would make it after all you've been through and having lost those two ones the previous year!"

From the moment I was old enough to understand the world around me, I felt very uncomfortable every time I heard about "those ones" but, seeing my mother torn, I didn't dare to ask anything further until I grew a little more and decided to confront both my mum and "nona"

Nona spoke, mum just listened and nodded. "The first time mummy had a baby in her tummy she lost it within a month. The second one, it was a boy. She lost that one when she was 4 months pregnant with it. But now, everything is ok cause you're here..."

"And where are those two?" I would ask to hear,"they are safe in heaven where God is taking care of them for us..."

Needless to say that "heaven" sounded scary to a restless child who refused to understand why we couldn't visit and even scarier as I realized the meaning of death at still a young age.

I would casually ask nona if those who pass on remain as they were in life and she, not thinking anything of it, would go on to reply "yes, of course". Even worse, I would never let on that I was ok with me seeing my brother but how was I supposed to tell her that, since my other sibling was not fully formed, I was terrified in the thought of looking at an embryo. (It might sound funny to me now but not when I was 7 or 8). So I would constantly have this feeling of not sleeping alone in bed but as I grew even older I blamed my childhood drama for it. I still think it was that and nothing else.

Having joined an exchange-student program, at the age of twenty, I find myself studying in Australia at LaTrobe University. I spent most of my free time hanging out with two of my younger cousins, three australian friends (we are still close), and Ghaa (an african girl who claimed to have had powers!) She would often try to get me involved in their seances and I would always avoid it, partly because I doubted her gift and, partly because she made me a little uneasy; besides, I couldn't be absolutely sure she was a fake. Finally, I gave in and joined them one night.

The moment she began explaining the procedure I felt it was a mistake. The woman was talking about unborn spirits not dead relatives of any sort. She was talking about guardian spirits who were called upon for protection but you needed a strong prayer to, first, be protected from the guardian? What was all that? I said I wanted out but since we were in an isolated area and couldn't go anywhere alone, she warned me that if I stayed outside the circle, she couldn't protect me. For all that, I finally stayed.

The seances began with her speaking in african and singing and making weird faces and at that point I began shaking with terror. She served as a medium through which the second spirit spoke and answered questions and every now and then someone would fall in some kind of trance I wouldn't buy and so I managed to slowly relax since it was too dramatic for my liking!

Then Ghaa would ask someone to leave the circle claiming the spirit had enough and would place that someone in another circle next to ours with some more prayers and such.

I was beginning to get a little impatient because time was passing and they wouldn't finish the "theatrical play" when she suddenly turned to me saying "the spirit now wants you". I knew I could ask a question after the spirit allowed it according to Ghaa and I was absolutely determined, first, to avoid stupid questions such as who's to die next and, second, questions that she would know the answers to, from my cousins.

I asked my "safe" questions such as "which country would be my next stop" or "will I ever return home" but suddenly began to feel unwell; the kind of feeling you get as if you have butterflies in your stomach, the ache in your bones, like you've caught a cold and then a bit of cold sweating. Ghaa's voice was heard like from a distance and I felt distracted by something unknown. A little afterwards, I began feeling better but I had the distinct feeling that something had escaped my attention. I usually get the same feeling when I have had an extra drink and I know I must have said something more than I should have.

When I recovered from what I thought to be a little dizziness, I found my youngest cousin's hand on mine but the seances was in progress in spite of my little incident, and another one was asking the questions.

Finally, the gathering ended with all of us exhausted and me being distressed.

Back home I was continuously asked if I was feeling better and I regained my courage to ask about the events that took place during my questioning. I was sure I had missed something but I wasn't sure what.

Helen, the youngest told me I suddenly looked very upset and said a few times "no, no, stop!" I then supposedly said "I'm on the 5th May, not June or January!"

Now May is the month I was born. I'm also sure June and January are the months my mother had both miscarriages. I don't and have not been able to remember myself saying any of these things, my cousins claim, as I am sure they couldn't have known from my mother.

I still try to think of it as pure coincidence but, just to be on the safe side that was the first and last time I ever participated in any such gatherings. I know that if my siblings are out there, they would have no reason to harm me so, if, I really mean if, this was the spirit talking, I now am sure it's not a benevolent one that I should ever encounter again!


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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, rhodes68, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

rhodes68 (14 stories) (1596 posts)
13 years ago (2010-01-11)
[at] scrapmetalkitten: Thank you for reading my experience!

What I came to learn from this... I think was mainly to not get involved with things I knew very little about, to respect and fear what is above and beyond me and lastly that there has to be some other world where all the loved ones exist-that death is not always and for everyone the end. Still that particular experience has since raised some issues I'm still uncertain about. I'm up to this day looking for the answers to my numerous questions.
scrapmetalkitten (306 posts)
13 years ago (2009-11-10)
sounds like you are lucky that is all that happened to you. I bet that was pretty intense. I wonder what was up with that unborn spirit business she was talking about and no wonder you were so uncomfortable about it. Did you learn anything from this experience?
rhodes68 (14 stories) (1596 posts)
13 years ago (2009-08-24)
Thanks Chronika for reading my story! I agree with you that if this was my siblings they wouldn't want to harm me but I'd rather stay away from seances of any kind since they can open portals that should better be closed!
rhodes68 (14 stories) (1596 posts)
14 years ago (2008-08-25)
Oh, hello again 😊. I never wanted to get involved in the first place but you see, I had nowhere to go and I believed that staying outside Ghaa's circle would only make me more vulnerable just in case she actually managed to contact a spirit. Initially I thought she was a fraud but later realised she did have powers but wasn't equipped enough for such communication. Strangely I still don't remember what happened that brief period of minutes but I can tell you for a fact, I'm never ever trying this one again!
Brownie09 (6 stories) (293 posts)
14 years ago (2008-08-24)
Wow, that would be scary for me, my cousins tried to get me to do a seance with them but I wouldn't do it, I guess I just didn't feel right and said no, but as for you feeling sick that might have been a sign that Ghaa might have brought a spirit in that she shouldn't have. I am just glad that you are okay. 😨 😊 ❤
bigpatti87 (2 stories) (39 posts)
14 years ago (2008-07-14)
That is definitely very true you are right... Whenever taking a leap at anything especially communication with the spirit world you have to be ready for the consequences that can lay at the end of the road... Now I am one of the more adventurous type and I will be the first to admit that sometimes I let my ego get in the way to the extent that I let my guard down thinking I am invincible but none the less we all have the same consequences no matter how safe or cautious we are, we just might not always experience them.

God Bless,
BigPatti 😉
rhodes68 (14 stories) (1596 posts)
14 years ago (2008-07-14)
The thing is, I don't think they open up a portal. I believe spirits live in a parallel reality. Sometimes these two little worlds come together by forces we know so very little about so attempting or challenging any kind of communication can bring trouble. Sending out such kind of invitation is something we must take very seriously!
bigpatti87 (2 stories) (39 posts)
14 years ago (2008-07-14)
Well that's the thing about seances and things of the sort... Every time is a new experience and you never know what is coming and I guess that's why its so dangerous in ways... Now I am guilty of the Ouija Board and a couple other similar techniques but I would have to say I would be scared to ever step foot in that circle or be part of that there seance... But you needed to experience it for yourself to truly know and that makes you a stronger person for doing so and now I totally understand why you are against seances and things... Great story.

God bless,
BigPatti 😉
rhodes68 (14 stories) (1596 posts)
14 years ago (2008-04-16)
Yes,it does remind of a ouija seance, doesn't it? That's what I got out of it. I was also alarmed somehow by Whitebuffalo's comment who thinks that Ghaa was engaging in some kind of multi cultural ritual which was questionable. Maybe that holds true, too, who can tell for sure? I just wish I knew then what I know now; it might have saved me the trouble and anguish. For sure it would have saved me the upset stomach 😆
ChrisB (6 stories) (1515 posts)
14 years ago (2008-04-16)
wow Tammy that was a scary story. I don't know much, basically nothing about the African culture but it is interesting. I wonder if this seance can be compared to an ouji seance? I don't think religion has anything to do with seances. Each religion has there own way of contacting I guess. I think these spirits you contacted were not your siblings. If it were them you would know for sure and they wouldn't do anyharm to you. I don't know why but this reminds me of a Ouji seance. I think a spirit was trying to fool you. Thats what I think. I haven't read the other comments so maybe somone has already mentioned it. But it is a wierd comparisson so I would be surprised if no one hasnt 😜.I hope this wasn't too confusing. Thanks for sharring this story. I hope to hear from you soo and take care
rhodes68 (14 stories) (1596 posts)
15 years ago (2008-02-05)
Hello again Autumn. No need to apologise, I know you're trying to figure out what this woman was doing that day as I am and, to be honest, I'm open to suggestions. I remember that before she began the seance she set out the rules saying that once we agreed to be involved, there was no way we could change our minds and break the "circle" before we were allowed to do so by her. She explained that we won't be contacting any dead relative of any sort but an unborn spirit. She,then,explained that she would be calling upon another spirit first for protection but she made it clear that it was a powerful spirit which could easily turn against her and us if something went wrong, and it was at that point when I realised that this was a mistake on my part to have agreed to participate. I asked to leave but since no one was willing to drive me back, I figured that staying in another room would not be safe, and so, I stayed. Now, call it intuition, Ghaa sounded mostly scared of than respectful towards the "guardian" and I wondered whether she really knew what she was doing.Anyways,she formed two circles(one could see the colourful powder outlines). She placed the objects I described within the circles and went on chanting as in a trance while burning herbs. She didn't give us anything to eat or drink but I guess we were all involuntarily sniffing the burning herbs which could have caused my nausia- I didn't faint. She was also holdind what, to me, looked like a very long necklace. That is, a number of beads on a thick thread and I got the impression that she was counting the beads while chanting. Does this make any sense to you? Lastly, I very distinctly remember her saying that she is not the one to decide who should speak to the second spirit, once it is summoned but it is the spirit,itself,which would choose and evenmore, it's the spirit which will decide who stays, who leaves and when he/she leaves. Then, every time the spirit would supposingly ask one to leave(and that was through her) she would chant some more, face looking upward and hands extended horizontally and when she touched that individual, only then he/she could retreat to the second circle.
Concerning the dates now, yes I thought about it too. I might have heard them some time in my life before I don't really know.
whitebuffalo (guest)
15 years ago (2008-02-05)
Oh, I know that is what you meant, Tammy. I was just enjoying hearing it again after having said it a few times myself, too. I like how it was written as it shows how comfortable we are as children in the world around us. I was agreeing with the assertion that this is how we all generally feel as children if living in a safe environment.

If you can remember, did she raise her arms up to the well, ceiling in this case, towards all the corners of the room? You may not have understood the words she rambled, but when calling on that particular protection, you MUST face that direction and implore the Spirits to join and in doing so, you must face Them.
I do not recall. Did she burn the sacred herbs at all?
I ask these questions both out of curiosity and to ascertain whether the seance was, well, real. Yes, it was a real experience that you were involved in. But some of the things that you describe (and you did state in the story itself that she had "powers", so it feels as if you also had great doubts as to the validity of that fact itself.) suggest a different type of ritual, and not solely a seance. I am having difficulties in understanding why SHE would set up a separate circle, outside of the circle for people to go in for extra prayers and protection. It almost sounds like such a mixture of beliefs, one of them being voodoo, that it just makes me wonder...
There is the possibility that through the power of suggestion, or the burning of certain herbs, or in the partaking of specific foods or drinks, that you were all "duped" in an elaborate scheme to make herself appear more powerful to all present. When taking certain edibles in our bodies, they can often times suggest a sight that we do not actually achieve. In short, we may hallucinate, forming "proof" on her part that a connection was made.
Many people are desperate to communicate with those that we have loved and lost and unfortunately, there are those out there who will feed on that desire. They do not always just take our money, but they take our trust, our independence and our will to fight off the ones that should not still be around.
I was going to just pose the questions to you, but with the reading of your return comment, I felt I would need to explain where the questions came from and not just think through them on my own, before forming the opinion. My concern is that you, unknowingly, ingested something through one of your senses that would send you into a state of confusion that may or may not have aided in the revelation of the months that came to you. Perhaps you had heard the months while you were much younger and retained that information, unknowingly, until it was release on this night. IF some sort of stimuli was involved, that would explain the semi-consciousness that you were in at the time also (Were you UN-conscious, or SEMI conscious?).
Please do not think I am trying to say this story is not true, I would not do that. What I am merely trying to understand is the SETUP of the "ritual" and to attempt to answer your questions. I can not do that if I do not understand what transpired that night. I tend to ask my questions, before giving an idea or suggestion, it just must not have come across that way. Sorry for that.
Thank you.
rhodes68 (14 stories) (1596 posts)
15 years ago (2008-02-04)
Oh,I forgot to mention the seeds and beans laying in small dishes. I think that's about all I can remember.
rhodes68 (14 stories) (1596 posts)
15 years ago (2008-02-04)
whitebuffalo. Thanks for taking the time to read my stories.
To begin with, when I said "understand the world around me" I was referring to a child's microcosmos which envolves the tangible-material world around it and,later, one's place within a family and in the hearts of those who form it. Of course, as you grow older you come to realise that what you thought to be a comprehensible world is just a product of a very subjective reality and its true essence can be something quite different and far from what you can grasp.
As for the questions concerning the seance, there were two circles formed as she claimed. I distinctly recall some powder-like outline, objects made of wood and others made of hay I think. She had a pot filled with a sort of liquid(could have been water but then again it didn't look clear enough). I recall another item made of beads which she held and she also had another pot, a bigger one in which she had apparently burnt some kind of leaves.(Forgive my poor presentation but it's been ages and as you might have guessed I don't have any knowledge about or interest in seances of any kind). As for the trance-like state, the people involved were in a sleepy-like state quite calm but I wish I could say the same for her. She initially was calm but then she would go into this state where she would tremble and speak, using different tones and voices, some calmer than the others. Finally, I couldn't possibly know if she had called upon the 4 elements;half the time she was speaking in a native-african dialect as she later informed us.
I don't know, it looked like a theatrical play to me and a cheap one but it's this thing concerning the dates and me loosing consciousness that puzzles me.
whitebuffalo (guest)
15 years ago (2008-02-04)
Hello Tammy,
I like the sentence that says "From the moment I was old enough to understand the world around me... 😊 I am STILL trying to figure out the world around ME.
You make a very valid point in your story when you said that IF your siblings are out there, and not in the embracing arms of The Father, then they WOULD NOT cause you harm. Or discomfort (not intentionally, at least) and IF they had channeled their energy through you, you would have KNOWN, without any question, that these were of your family.
I wonder, at any time from the beginning of this experience, were drinks or food readily available for anyone who should choose to partake (or NEED to partake)? Were you afforded the opportunity to set up your OWN protection circle, within or on the outside of the circle she created? When seeking protection FROM the guardian(s) were they respectfully employed by this woman? Did she call on the four corners of the Earth for protection? When others slid into a trance, exactly WHAT was their body language like? (Were they agitated, relaxed, sorrowful?)
I have reasons for asking these questions, as I fear that perhaps the feeling you had that something was not quite right was unquestionably accurate.
Generally, if you FEEL something is not right as you leave a seance, then something IS NOT right. I personally do not think you were in contact with either of your siblings. I personally think that she had an elaborate "theatrical display" going on, but, I have too many questions about the procedure to emphatically state that.
Thank you.
rhodes68 (14 stories) (1596 posts)
15 years ago (2008-01-29)
I know what you mean KimSouth0. I guess one has to try certain things before they learn to accept their limitations and most of all, to be a bit more restrained in life. I suppose that knowledge comes with age!
Thanks ❤
KimSouthO (27 stories) (1960 posts)
15 years ago (2008-01-29)
I am realeived to hear you will not be participating again in these gatherings! With someone else leading the group, or 'driving' the seance (for lack of a better word) you could NEVER know who and what is being contacted and becoming involved!

How frightening! I am so glad you did not go back and will stay away.

God Bless!
rhodes68 (14 stories) (1596 posts)
15 years ago (2008-01-29)
Hello Frawin.

Thanks for taking the time to read my story and reply.

Unfortunately, I still don't quite remember what happened after I began feeling sick, and as for my cousins, they tell me I was furious as if someone was speaking to me. When I asked them what Ghaa was saying during this time, they said that she was all sweaty and talking in her native language. I have,once, confronted her about the incident and quess what! She said I was interfering too much and I nearly made her lose control of the situation! I have no idea,whatsoever,what she meant by that. I just kept my distance.
FRAWIN (guest)
15 years ago (2008-01-29)
Hello Tammy. I like the way you approached the situation, openminded yet skeptical. There isn't enough information given to tell exactly what happened (to you) but it seems as if you suffered some kind of attack. The good news is whatever it was you repelled it. Take Care.


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