Sorry, I realize this is kind of long (as usual), so bear with me.
I need your help on this one because I am lost on why I experienced and why he came to me. Before I get to my experience, I will tell you about the person that came to me in spirit form.
The guy that came to me was a guy I knew for a long time but never was close. His name was Prem. I first met Preman when I moved to the same elementary school and we were in the same class. My first opinion of him was that he was a hard - a$$ and he thought highly of himself. Half of the time I seriously wanted to kick him really badly. At school, we were always in competition do well in studies (I think we both exhausted all the teachers that we got and I think they just wanted to get rid of us). It seemed that we could never escape each other. As I started making friends at school, we ended up in the same group of friends. The ultimate shock was to find out that both of our fathers were best friends since childhood in Sri Lanka.
Prem and I went to the same elementary and secondary schools before going our separate ways to university; since we went to different universities and doing different programs, I didn't see much of him (rarely actually). It was December 2002 and I just finished writing one of my exams and had returned home when my mom told me that Preman had killed himself by jumping in front the oncoming subway train. I was like, "you got to be kidding." I did not believe my mom until I saw the body at the funeral.
Even more unbelievable was the reason why he killed himself; he killed himself because some girl turned him down. I was like that was impossible because although we butted heads often, I knew him not to be that type of person to do such things. Although many of our friends were in disbelief, they eventually came to accept the fact that Prem killed himself over a girl; that is except me and another friend, Roger.
Although we moved on with our lives, Roger and I knew in the back of hearts and minds that Prem wouldn't kill himself; there was no indication of that. Prem would have at least told Roger if he was experiencing anything, let alone girl problems. I know a lot of people are going to say that people tend to keep problems like this to themselves and rarely speak out. I know this as a social worker who did psychology as minor and experienced this with many of the cases that I dealt with but during and even afterwards, if family members and friends think about it, they will find that there WAS that smallest indication that something was wrong. With Prem there was nothing.
The day he killed himself, he had gone with Roger to the Eaton Center to buy a new pair of shoes for himself for a party and another pair for his older brother because his birthday was coming up. Prem and Roger got on the subway to go home and when they got to Kennedy Station in Scarborough they went their separate ways with the intention of meeting up later that night for a party at a friend's house (which I was also attend and this would be one of the rare times I would have seen him). But he didn't make it to the party; nobody made it to the party actually because a couple of hours later, most of found out that Prem died.
Roger said that Prem was happy and he was excited to go to the party because he didn't see some of the friends in a little while. Police said that when they found the body, there was no wallet or anything to indicate who he was, except for the school work he had in his bag. They later found his wallet in the dumpster at the university he went to. Many people said that he must have thrown the wallet in the dumpster before killing himself. To this day, Roger and I keep telling people that there are too many holes in that story.
First of all, if Prem didn't want police finding out who he was, why throw out JUST his wallet and not his school bag with school papers and books with his name on it? Secondly, he still had the two shoes with him when he died with the receipt showing that he paid with his credit card (another piece of id that could have easily be traced back to him. Third, Roger and Prem were already back in Scarborough when Prem killed himself (Roger had left by then). Roger had said that he met Prem at the university before going to the Eaton Center and that he had Prem had his wallet on him because he used the credit card to buy the shoes. (The credit card that was used at the store was found in the wallet when the police found it). The only theory is that Prem double back to school threw his wallet in the dumpster and then came back to the Kennedy Station and killed himself.
For a person, who was not in a straight mind because some girl left could NOT have joked around with his friend and go shopping for shoes for a party later in the night let alone come up with the idea to double back to throw away his identity before coming back to kill himself. He couldn't have simply thought far ahead. Sorry for the rambling but it has been 10 years to the day (December 20, 2012), since he died and although like many others I have accepted that he is gone, I still can't get it out of my head that he would kill himself for some stupid girl.
On to my experience, like I mentioned above, Prem died 10 years ago on December 20, 2002. December 20, 2012, I started seeing him in my dreams. As many of you now know, although I experienced spirits and anything related to the paranormal directly and with my five senses, majority of my experiences came to me during my dreams when I was either in a deep sleep or in the state between being awake and falling asleep. When Prem appeared to me, I was in that state of just dozing off.
I had just come from work with a migraine and really exhausted from the case I was working on (I just started working my social worker position work with the city again, a couple months back). My mom had just cooked dinner so I told her to get a plate ready for me and that I will wash up, say my prayers, and come down. As I walked into the house, it felt like I just walked into a bubble where your ears are popping. I had a feeling that I was going to experience something but I was too exhausted to care. When I went to my room to dump my stuff before I went to take a shower, I felt like there was some kind of breeze in my room (like what you feel on a warm spring day). By now, I knew I was going to experience something but I didn't know what and at that point I didn't care because I was too exhausted and my only thought was to eat and then sleep (but seriously was thinking, that it wasn't a good idea since I knew something was going to happen).
By the time, I finished my routine and went to bed, I was out like a baby (migraine meds kind of helped) and I didn't even think about the clues that I was going to experience something. At this point, I would also like to mention that when Prem came to me, I wasn't thinking about him and didn't remember that the day was the 10th anniversary of his death.
I don't know how long I was asleep when Prem came to me. He had that annoying grin on his face that I still wanted to slap off. Being Prem, he had to get in a joke about me. I still remember what he said to me. He was like, "I see that you are still trying to be an angel by helping the wounded and lost?" I just growled at him and told him to shut up and that he didn't deserve to talk like that because he hurt a lot of people when he killed himself for a stupid girl.
He became sad at that moment and he told me that his death was untimely and shouldn't have happened but it did and there was nothing anybody can do about it now. I just growled at him and told him that Roger was really hurt by the fact that he didn't see that you were hurt and more hurt that you didn't come to him for help. Prem smiled again and told me that there was no girl and that his death was an accident that couldn't have been avoided even if he wanted to but at this point in time, he was at peace and had forgiven everybody. (At this point in time, I knew his death wasn't a suicide). I growled at him again (I don't know why but Prem is one of the rare people who could make growl at them) and then told him that he could go stuff his peace where the sun don't shine because a lot of people were hurt when he passed away, especially his family and his father in particular.
Prem had one older brother and two old sisters and his parents. I told Prem how his father because really weak after his death (although Prem's father had some health issue and in particular some kidney problems, he was strong and happy man because he was happy that his youngest child was actually going to make it out of university and have a career. Prem's older siblings, although really smart and had good grades they either didn't go to university or college or quit before they finished and treated their parents really badly. Prem was the only one close to his parents and a pillar to his father).
I am sorry to say this but Prem's parents really lost it when he died. Prem's father became really weak because of his kidney problems and his mother really went into depression at the thought of losing her baby. They closed themselves off from family and friends. Since their older children were all on their own, they sold their townhouse and moved into a senior's home. It was really sad to see their lives go downhill like that.
Anyways, I told Prem as much and how I thought he was a low life and idiot to leave his parents like that. Prem grew sad again and told me that he knew his parents were hurt but it was time to go and nothing could be changed. I told him how I knew that could be changed about a person death because you are born, you are bound to die but you could have given your parents closure by letting them know what happened to you. He just smiled at me and told me that life doesn't work that way and soon they will find out what happened to him when his father comes to him.
I was shocked to hear this and I asked Prem if his father was in pain. He told me that he was and that he will be with him in a few more days and in peace. Although, I really felt bad for Prem's father, I didn't understand what I was going to do. Prem must have read my mind or something because before I could talk he told me that although we butted heads, his parents always thought of me as one their own and his father's wish was that one day we would marry. I had to laugh at that point not because Prem's parents thought me as one of their own but because his father wanted to marry (which I knew wasn't going to happen, EVER!). Also, the reason why he came to me was because he wanted me to comfort his mother when his father came with him. Prem also told me a few other things that he wanted me to tell his mom. Then he was gone.
I woke up with a start to my mom shaking me. She told me that it was 6am and that the alarm was going on and why I wasn't waking up. I groaned and got to my migraine still being there. Since I had a few meetings to go and needed to drive I couldn't take my migraine meds so I ended taking some aspirin before going to work. Anyways, I got up and told my mom what happened and asked her to see if she could find out Prem's parents were staying so that I could go and see them. Mom told me that she will try but if a person is going to die, they are going to die. She wasn't trying to be mean but she was warning because I tend to care about people too often and I end up getting hurt. She also mentioned that she was thinking about Prem's father for some time and was wondering how he was going.
Since his first visit, I didn't see Prem but I did feel him around me. With the 20th and 21st left before I started my holiday vacation (took two weeks to spend one week my family here and to spend one week in Calgary with my cousin and family. I also experienced something there, which I wrote in another story), I had put Pre's visit at the back of my mind and totally forgot my request to my mom to setup a meeting with Prem's parents.
Two days later (Saturday, December 22, 2012 and two days after Prem came to me), I was wrapping some final presents with my cousins from Santa for my nieces and nephews for Christmas Day, when my mom got a call my aunt (dad's older sister) that Prem's dad had died because of kidney failure. I would have cut myself with the scissor in my hands, if my cousin didn't take it away from me (I was shaking that bad). Apparently, I had also gone pale and my other cousin and his wife looked worried for me and asked what wrong? Although, my cousins also knew Prem and his family, they didn't know what happened about the dream about Prem. Knowing what my oldest cousin thought about the paranormal, I still told them what happened. My cousin, Joythi (the one that took the scissors away from me and fellow social worker) told me to calm down and asked me if I was okay. Joythi is a believer in the paranormal and experienced minor incidents and her boyfriend, Ram (who was also at my house) is a stronger empath than me and a sensitive and has had really weird and strong experiences believed me instantly. In fact, Ram told me that although he couldn't see the spirit, someone was there at a low frequency level and it felt like the spirit didn't want him to see him. I smiled and told him that it Prem and that I felt him since the day before yesterday and today he was at a low frequency (Ram had mentioned this when he came into the house with my cousins and I wanted to ask my mom when she got back from shopping with my brother and sister and I totally forgot when she got back). My other cousin, Ramesh (Joythi's older brother) and wife are both doctors. Ramesh is a man of science and a hardcore sceptic of the paranormal. Although, also a doctor and believes in science, Ramesh's wife, Nala, is woman of reason; if provided with prove, she will believe it. Unfortunately, both of them didn't believe me.
I realized then that the reason why I didn't feel Prem as strong as before was because he was finally with his father but was hanging out to check if I was there for his mother (typical;)). I already hated going to funerals because it's such a sad time but also having the feeling that you are going to meet someone from the other side. But to go during the holiday season is worse, especially when the funeral was on Christmas Eve.
Although when Prem was alive, we were at each other's necks and trying to outdo each other, I couldn't deny his request to help his mother when it was time to pickup his father. After the funeral service, my family ended going to Prem's mother's residence. I ended pulling Prem's mother aside and started telling her what Prem said, even though I knew what the outcome was going to be; a crying feast. In the end, everyone started crying when they found out what happened. Although, I was close with Prem's older brother and the younger of his older sisters, for the life of me, I seriously don't know why his older sister doesn't like me; she started yelling at me for making her mother and everybody else cry. Her mother yelled at her for showing disrespect towards me because she was crying knowing that her husband was not in pain anymore and her son is watching over her and will be here.
That night, I felt Prem and his father and they came to me when I was about to fall asleep to thank me for passing on the message. I told them that it was duty if I could help others with my gift (sometimes a curse, if ask me). I also told Prem's father that I was happy to see him look like his old self (at the funeral, I was totally shocked to see him. His illness (both physical and emotional) made him almost unrecognizable. When he was healthy, he looked like a handsome actor). But before I could ask any more questions, they left.
Like my title, Why me? I know I have a gift that I could use to help others and I have done that in the past without question because I have seen the answer clearly as to why (and sometimes with reasons later on); but in this case why me? I know I have known Prem and his family since childhood but with the exception of his parents, I never was close with Prem. In fact, we were always on the opposite end of the spectrum with everything in life and he had much closer friends than me. The only thought was that his parents were close to me when I was younger. But two things seem wrong with that reasoning. (1st) Prem's father didn't pass away when Prem came to me. (2nd) Although, Prem's parents were close to me when I was younger, in recent years, like many family members and friends, I had lost contact with them.
Any help would be nice!
Happy holidays to the many faiths on this sites (whatever you might celebrate) and a Happy New Year. May 2013 bring you more happiness, health and fortune than 2012!