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Weird Summer

 

I couldn't think of a title so I used this one which does fit:D.

On Friday July 13th I had major back surgery. My back had to be reconstructed. I am now fused from T-8 all the way down to my Sacral area.

The surgery took about 9 hours with 2 surgeons. Problem was they couldn't wake me up in recovery which was a concern for the Doctors,Nurses,and my family.

As for me I was in total darkness for I don't know how long. I mean I don't feel like I'm in my body and I'm wearing normal clothes. Nothing but darkness, time standing still. Suddenly I hear familiar voices, of people who have died. My grandparents are telling me it's okay if I want to let go and come home to them. They say I have been through enough and I need the rest. My father in-law joins in saying the same. I make my decision they are right, I knew going in that I could die. I start feeling lighter and floating but something is stopping me, I feel like I am anchored. I start to panic a little and start to pull at whatever is anchoring me. I gave one more pull and all of a sudden I'm in pain back in my body still trying to pull away. I open my eyes and my best friend had been at the hospital for most of my surgery with my daughter and my husband who works at the hospital. My best friend was the anchor, she had my hand in both of hers and she is praying holding my hand to her heart. I was awake for only a little while but I found out that the nurses had been trying to wake me up for 3 hours and I have to stay in recovery overnight because of my vitals.

They got me up for a short walk on Sunday and sat me in a chair when we got back to my room. I had my left leg over my right and I feel a dog nose on my toe and when I looked I saw an outline of a small fuzzy dog. Many years before they had a dog lab in the infancy of heart surgery to learn procedures. Which made no sense to me when I found out because a dog anatomy is nowhere near that of a human but I guess a heart is a heart (I was at St. Francis Hospital a top Heart Hospital). Then a few seconds later I felt a tap on my head like hey sit straight. Right after that my nurse came in to see how I am and I tell her I want to go back to bed.

I had told the nurse and nurse companions about a problem I had with an air bed like mine in another hospital years ago, it had broken. Thursday night after a long walk with the physical therapist I get back to my room and my bed is broken so they had to get me another bed!

The next day I was discharged and was glad to be home. My son Eric (WhiteWolf) has been an incredible help. He took the N.Y. State Trooper test last year and scored an 89 and made the list of candidates. I am so proud of him.

A couple of weeks later I was very sleepy after my alarm. My daughter didn't like the way I was sitting in the dining room chair so she told me go sit in the recliner in my sleepy state. I told her to F off because in reality she could try the patience of a Saint. I started sleep walking a little while later and was at the kitchen sink waking up trying to figure out why I can't walk and I see what looked like a disembodied fist and forearm and I feel like I got punched in the heart. The hit was so hard it knocked me off my feet and I fell flat on my back knocking the wind out of me. I tried yelling for help but it came out little more than a whisper so I rolled onto my side until I could get the strength to get up myself which took awhile. I finally got up and got Eric, my heart felt funny but I've had anxiety attacks because of my daughter before so as long as I wasn't altered we just put it down to that. Some things would vanish then return after I said put it back.

I think the strangest thing of all is the dogs. We kept both parents and 3 of their puppies weight range from 88 pounds (the father a normal Malamute) to 131 pounds (the mother a M'Loot Malamute a.k.a. A giant Malamute). All of the dogs have been as careful with me as they can but will be rough with others.

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by yourghoststories.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, RedWolf, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

RedWolf (30 stories) (1289 posts)
+2
4 months ago (2018-10-30)
Jubeele

I really don't know what was up with the fist it felt kind of angry and not friendly. Other weird things seemed to be going on and I told my son it felt like maybe I wasn't supposed to come back. He assured me that he thought about that and did a sheltering around me and the house.

Red
CuriousDee (8 stories) (630 posts)
+1
4 months ago (2018-10-30)
Hi Red,

Thanks for getting back to me. I'm glad I'm not alone regarding my thoughts on genetics and back issues. Hopefully the U.S. Will start paying attention to this and at least conduct more studies that will give us substantial proof.

Your experience of working with deadly chemicals in a hospital really ticks me off to say the least. Just considering the amount of factories producing deadly emissions is infuriating. I'll stop here before I go on a rant. My apologies.

You are not alone in regards to your thoughts and feelings concerning chronic pain. I too have had my 'low' points where the pain is unbearable. It truly has a major impact on quality of life and mental health. I'm very sorry you are going through this too. However, I'm happy to hear your surgeon is optimistic and feeling positive about your healing process. 😊

I want to thank you for opening up about your struggles with back pain, you helped me realize I'm not alone. I truly hope you get better and stronger everyday. Positive, healing vibes sent your way my friend ❤

Dee
RedWolf (30 stories) (1289 posts)
+2
4 months ago (2018-10-29)
Dee
I am going to address your theory of genetics with familial back problems. It is a solid theory. Genetic science is so far lacking here compared to other countries like Sweden. I have an extra vertebrae in the lumbar section of my spine nobody can explain which works against me medically. I worked in a hospital sterilizing operating equipment. They use Ethylene Oxide, a sterilizing agent for
Instruments that can't be sterilized by heat. It is also a carcinogen, a mutenogen, and a neuro-toxin. When I was pregnant with my first child I got caught in a gas leak so we were lucky in that my daughter is fine. But not enough studies have been done on long time affects on hospital workers exposed to this chemical which never leaves the body.

As I said none of my memories were enough to make me want to stay and that my thought was I am tired and I am done. I was at peace with my decision. I have a very high pain tolerance but there were times that I was in so much pain I couldn't sit,stand,or lie down. In those times I could understand the people who couldn't live with the pain so they over dosed themselves or found another means to end their lives. I never acted on it but those thoughts went through my head. But I'm an Aries and you're right I'm a tough cookie and the surgeon I have been going to for re-checks is really happy with my recovery. I am not over doing anything and pain killers have never made me think I am stronger then I am.

Red
BeautInside (3 stories) (317 posts)
+1
4 months ago (2018-10-25)
Dear Redwolf,

I a have a small back problem and it's annoying 24/7 so I imagine having a major one would make want to run! 😲

I think that not feeling the pain made you want to let go of this world, and in spite of you having good memories and still wanting to let go was probably because you were happy to where your life led you. I hope this is making sense, if not I apoligise because English is not my 1st language and I might be way behind to get to my point! 😊
What I mean is, even though you were ready to let go it was not your time go. Actually I don't think we can choose.
So you came back to your family, friends and YGS. And I'm glad it was not your time to go. 😉

Take care. ❤
RedWolf (30 stories) (1289 posts)
+1
4 months ago (2018-10-24)
To all
I will answer more in the next few days, I have been sitting for way too long.
Hugs to all for reading. ❤ ❤
Red.
RedWolf (30 stories) (1289 posts)
+2
4 months ago (2018-10-24)
Rex-T

First of all thank you for reading my story. I have come to realize after much thought that I indeed had a NDE. I was at peace in that dark space even though I didn't know where I was.
I saw one of the surgeons yesterday and he didn't mention Physical Therapy so I asked him about it. Because I walk with my son he asked if I thought I needed it, I said I thought it would do more harm than good and he agreed.

I'm sorry to hear about the rough time you had during heart surgery. I worked in Central Sterile Supply for nearly 4 years in the hospital I had my surgery. Sterilizing O.R. Equipment and asking questions about procedures. It is primarily a heart hospital, one of the best anywhere. By what you described it is normal and necessary to stop the heart but they have you on a heart/lung machine to keep blood flowing and you breathing,

I hope you are doing better and doing what your doctor says. Well wishes and big hugs for you.

Red
RedWolf (30 stories) (1289 posts)
+1
4 months ago (2018-10-24)
Jan,
I am sorry to hear about your failed fusion. Have they talked to you about repairing it with another surgery? The surgeon I have been seeing for rechecks is over the moon with the results. Not only was I bent over I had scoliosis and my spine was bent. I would send an attachment of the picture my friend took of the broken screws that were bulging out but it's not a pretty picture so I wont. I was told that I will need more surgery because the level above the fusion start to break down.

I thought long and hard about your question did I see anything and
Realized that I couldn't have been in my body because, no I did not see anything BUT I had memories of important things and some mundane things go through my head. The scary thing is that none of these memories were enough to make me want to stay. My thought was I'm tired and I'm done. Shortly after is when I heard my grandparents and my father in-law calling me home.

I wrote a story a while back called Outer Heaven that you may enjoy. You will have to go to my profile page to find it.

Thank you for reading my story.
Red
Haven (14 stories) (215 posts)
+1
4 months ago (2018-10-23)
Hi Redwolf -

Hope you are feeling better. Same as some posters, I believe you had a near death experience. It would also appear that you got a visit from your guardian spirit, I've read that they are frequently depicted in animal form.

Just my thoughts.
RedWolf (30 stories) (1289 posts)
+2
4 months ago (2018-10-22)
Hey everyone thanks for reading my experience. I will answer your questions in a day or two. Right now I am a little sleep deprived and can't think of any cognizant answers.

Regards
Red
Jubeele (17 stories) (740 posts)
+4
4 months ago (2018-10-21)
Hi Redwolf, I'm echoing everyone here in wishing you healing and comfort after your surgery. It seems clear that you had a NDE but you're still needed here by your family and friends; that's why you were pulled back by the anchor - their love for you. ❤

Malamutes are beautiful big darlings. Glad you have them looking out for you. Such a sweet experience with that small dog touching your toe. He came to check on you too.

What was it with the fist that punched you? Was it hostile and mean? 😨 Or was it something being firm and insistent that you should lie down, rest and stay off your feet?

Do rest well and get better. A BIG hug to you. 😊
CuriousDee (8 stories) (630 posts)
+1
4 months ago (2018-10-21)
Rex-T - I know I'm not alone in hoping you'll share your NDE experience too. No skipping details either, I'd love to read a new account from you (secret fan alert). 😉
-Dee
CuriousDee (8 stories) (630 posts)
+3
4 months ago (2018-10-21)
Hi there Redwolf,

My goodness, you've definitely had a rough time. I have some family members on my mother's side who have had back surgery. My cousin had a cervical fusion (all that lovely hardware 😐) at 33 years old. Her older sister had a lumbar discectomy at 30 (surgery needed again soon but she's holding out) and their mother (my mother's sister) also had a cervical fusion at 38. It definitely got me thinking about genetics even though some dismiss that idea (more studies needed). I have cervical stenosis and get panicky just thinking about surgery. My apologies for rambling on.

From what you described, I'd say you experienced an NDE. I find this topic fascinating, as it provides validation regarding life after death. You encountered deceased loved ones (their voices), the feeling of weightlessness, the choice to leave the physical world... Hallmarks of a Near Death Experience. The feeling of being anchored or held back is usually your connection to your family here. This would be another checked box on the NDE list. Whether you felt pulled back to the physical or chose to stay, the answer is typically the same... You aren't done here and have much to do. Just knowing that you have loved ones supporting you from the other side is a beautiful, priceless gift. ❤

I'm sorry you are having a tough time. I get the sense that you're a tough cookie just by reading your words. 😊 Your dogs reaction is amazing, it appears that they picked up on your physical state. You must be very close to them. Before I forget... Congrats to your son! What a proud mama moment!

Sending you lots of healing, positive vibes! Thank you for sharing an amazing experience ❤

Dee
Rex-T (4 stories) (242 posts)
+4
4 months ago (2018-10-21)
RedWolf,

Hoping that you can get your strength and mobility back without too much pain and medication.

Indeed, a weird summer for you (I'm assuming July this year) and a weird winter for me (July 2017) when I went through a lengthy procedure (9 hours) where the operating team stopped my heart for a short period of time.

From the information that's been supplied to me about my situation, I believe that you may have had a "Near Death Experience" (NDE). It does have the hallmarks, like being called by deceased relatives to join them, or, this could have been a vivid dream. I can tell you that only you will know! Likewise, you also know that there are people in this world that love you and need you; even if you must "curb their enthusiasm" from time to time.

Like Jan, I'd love to know more as well.

Thanks for sharing your experience.

Rex-T
msforgetmenott (15 stories) (283 posts)
+4
4 months ago (2018-10-21)
Hi RedWolf,

I too have back problems, worse then ever after three surgeries in the same L-3-4-5. I was told the fusion had failed and the nerves (sciatic) are damaged. I can only imagine your pain in recovery, and really hope you are much improved. The fact that you are walking well is more than I can do. I am unable to stand more than a minute, unless I have a grocery cart to hold onto. I have no feeling in my feet, because of this nerve damage.

I kicked all pain meds, hope you will do the same, they lead to the belief that you are stronger then you are, in my opinion.

I am writing of my own last surgery, and have question for you. When you were unable to wake up, and you were in total darkness, did you see anything in the darkness, such as light movement or sounds? That is before you had conversations with family.

I am growing very interested in the moments of medical black outs What is this lost time and is there more to it then realized.

RedWolf, I would like to hear your feed back, if you will.

Take care,
Jan

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