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I Believe Her

 

My good friend Gloria takes care of her 93 year old mother who has Alzheimer's and dementia. I have met Carmen (her mom) and have witnessed some of her "episodes", they seem to be getting worse.

Lately, Carmen's health has been failing due to her not wanting to eat or spitting out her medicine. The only way Gloria gets her to eat is when she tells her that if she doesn't eat she's going to have to go to a nursing home.

Gloria is the middle of 7 children, she had a really tough life growing up due to her mother disliking her. Her mother used to make her do all the cleaning and would physically and verbally abuse her. She would always tell her she was sorry she ever had her and that she wished she would have killed her when she was born.

Carmen kicked Gloria out of the house when she was 15. She literally pushed her out the door in the middle of the night and told her to not come back, told her that she was dead to her.

Throughout the years they rarely kept in touch. About 4 years ago Gloria got a call telling her that her mom had fallen and needed hip replacement surgery. After the surgery, the doctors told all the siblings that their mother could no longer live by herself and that if no one was willing to take her in, she needed to go to a nursing home. Well, they all said they didn't have the time or space to take care of their mother.

Carmen cried and pleaded and looked Gloria straight in the eyes and begged her to take her to live with her. Gloria could not find it in her to say no. She tells me that part of her wanted to know how it felt to have a mother, she thought they could make amends and leave all the bad feelings behind. Of course she was wrong, her mother is still very nasty towards Gloria and is only nice to her when she needs something.

A year after bringing her mother to live with her, Carmen was diagnosed with Alzheimer's. This only made matters worse, Carmen is always lashing out at Gloria and is verbally abusive.

Now let me get to the weirdness. Lately, Carmen has been complaining that people come into her room at night and wake her up. She goes into Gloria's room very upset and tells her that there are people in her bedroom talking and won't let her sleep. She also yells at her and says "Where are you hiding them? Where are the people that are making all that noise while I'm trying to sleep?"

She describes a little girl, about 5 years old, with a blue dress and ponytails, who always comes in her bedroom and stands by her bed and just stares at her. Carmen asks her who she is and what she wants, the little girl just giggles. When Carmen gets up and tries to come close to her, the little girl runs and hides behind a chair or goes in the closet, all the while laughing.

Carmen will get up in the middle of the night and will go in Gloria's room, screaming at her and accusing her of having people over. She says there is a man that she knows was hired by Gloria to kill her, this man tells her that he wants her dead. Gloria has talked to her mom's doctors and is told that it is part of Carmen's dementia.

I talk to Gloria maybe a couple of times a week and she will vent and tell me about her mom's latest shenanigans so I knew about her mom seeing people but Gloria never described in detail what her mom was seeing. Carmen remembers who I am and constantly asks Gloria to invite me over to have lunch with them.

I was free one day a couple of weeks ago and went over after work for dinner. I was sitting in the living room talking to Carmen while Gloria was in the kitchen getting dinner ready. Right across from where I was sitting is Carmen's bedroom which, at the time, had the door half open. I heard a noise that made me turn and look in the bedroom and I swear I saw something run across the bedroom. It was really fast and I really couldn't make out who or what it was. The only thing I'm sure of is that it was something with blue clothes.

I got so startled that I jumped a little and put my hand to my heart. Carmen didn't notice and kept on talking to me. I turned to look at Gloria but she didn't seem to notice either. I decided not to say anything, I didn't want to upset Carmen.

Later we were sitting in the dining table having dinner and I kept hearing noises and mumbling coming from Carmen's room and the living room area. I asked if we had left the television on, we didn't. As I was saying my goodbyes and getting ready to leave, I clearly heard giggling. I got really freaked out, turned to look at Gloria and it appeared she had not heard anything. Carmen had already retired to her bedroom. I didn't say anything to Gloria, I just let myself out.

A few days later I was talking to Gloria on the phone and she was telling me that her mom tells her about the little girl in her bedroom, so I asked her if the girl was someone Carmen knew that had already passed. Gloria said no and went on to describe the little girl as told to her by her mom. She told me about how she runs and hides around the bedroom and is always giggling, that gave me goosebumps.

Gloria believes her mom is trying to get attention and just makes up excuses to be mean to her in the morning for having "parties" and not letting her get any sleep. Now I'm wondering if Carmen is actually seeing ghosts and it's not part of her dementia. I also wonder why Gloria has never seen or heard anything when I was there. Gloria was standing right next to me when I heard the giggling, why didn't she hear it. Am I coming down with dementia too?

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by yourghoststories.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Haven, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

Lealeigh (5 stories) (468 posts)
+4
6 months ago (2020-01-14)
Haven,

I think the tactics they both used against your friend are a form of controlling her; they both wanted to scar her in the same way because it would limit her options in the world.

Inside of their minds they felt secure that they would never be left alone in the world if Gloria felt like she wouldn't be accepted anywhere else.

I think that's why I said that I could never forgive such a thing; that kind of abuse has it's roots in something very sick.

I had a very close friend in my twenties that was in a relationship with a guy who did the same thing; he pulled her hair out by the roots. I feel like I did what I legally could for her; he would never strike me when I got between them. He went to jail a bunch of times but she would always end up with him again.

In the end, their relationship ended when he went to prison for some other great, lumbering character flaw. He's still there, as far as I know.

I am glad that your friend got away.

- Maria
Haven (19 stories) (304 posts)
+1
6 months ago (2020-01-14)
Hi, Maria.

I don't know why but I am unable to vote you up. It tells me to vote for someone else.

Gloria has scars in her head from when her mom's ring cut her skin. When Gloria was 17 years old she moved in with a guy that physically, and emotionally abused her. She stayed with him for 3 years until the guy's own sister helped her move out. She has a spot on her head where hair won't grow from when this guy literally pulled her hair out. It is so unbelievable that this guy and her mother both used the same methods to abuse her. According to Gloria, both always liked to hit her with stuff on the head. They would both tie her up so you wouldn't run away and they both liked telling her that she was worthless and that she would be better off dead. To me, it seems worse when this abuse comes from your own mother. What amazes me the most, is how can someone that has endured so much in her life be such a kind, thoughtful and generous person? My friend Gloria is one of the most kind people I know. She's been through so much, she deserves to be rewarded.
Lealeigh (5 stories) (468 posts)
+2
6 months ago (2020-01-14)
Haven,

"Gloria has scars on her head from where her mom used to hit her with a ring she wore on her finger."

I am happy that you say that Gloria isn't beaten down by years of abuse. I am not sure if I would be able to care so much for a person if they left scars on my face; scars that are still visible decades later.

This might be vanity talking but if I still had scars from being routinely cut in the face by someone's (diamond?) ring, I believe that I would wash my hands of the situation. I have never been accused of being "too nice".

I believe that your friend, Gloria, will be rewarded eventually for her forgiveness.

- Maria
Bibliothecarius (8 stories) (1034 posts)
+3
6 months ago (2020-01-14)
Greetings, Haven:

Thanks for your informative & detailed response.

When you described that some of Gloria's siblings used to intercede on her behalf, I felt a rush of joy: "Aha! There *is* hope for some stable sibling friendships in Gloria's life!" Knowing that even a couple of them are willing to sympathize with Gloria means that some of my more dire fears are unjustified.

Staring fixedly at that silver lining,
Biblio.
Haven (19 stories) (304 posts)
+2
6 months ago (2020-01-14)
Hi, LuciaJacinta.

I can't wait to read your story about your patient with dementia.

Thank you.
Haven (19 stories) (304 posts)
+3
6 months ago (2020-01-13)
Hi, Biblio.

Don't mind hurting my feelings, I know you would not do it on purpose or to be mean, and I appreciate and value your opinion and advise.

Gloria's siblings often tell her they don't know how she can be taking care of their mother after all she put her through. Often times it was the siblings that would intercede on Gloria's behalf when she was being punished. They tell her they remember her mother leaving her bloodied and bruised from the beatings. Carmen had seven children, three from a previous marriage and 4 from Gloria's biological father. Most of her siblings tell Gloria to put their mother in a nursing home, one of them begs her to keep her and then there is the one that threatens Gloria with never "forgiving" her if she puts their mother away. None of them offer to help. Gloria has scars on her head from where her mom used to hit her with a ring she wore on her finger. Just recently, Gloria saw the ring in her mom's jewelry box and she went and pawned it. Gloria told me about it and was happy she was able to get rid of it. It amazes me how Gloria can tell me all of these horrible memories she has without breaking down. I consider myself a strong person and often times I end up in tears when she talks about her childhood.

I think, as does Gloria, that when Carmen passes the relationship between the siblings is going to be a lot worse than it is now. Carmen has accused Gloria of stealing from her and there are some family members (nieces and nephews included) that believe this is true and have told Gloria that she will get nothing form her mother's will.

Gloria's father was a very kind man. He married Carmen with 3 young children and cared and loved them as his own. Gloria tells me that Carmen was very mean to him as well. Carmen would punish Gloria and would send her to bed without dinner, when her dad got home he would hide parts of his own meal and sneak them up to her room when Carmen wasn't watching. Gloria said he preferred giving her part of his dinner than to have to argue and fight with Carmen.

I knew that Carmen would often complain about seeing and hearing people but I had not heard a description of the people until after I saw what I saw. I do not want to add to Gloria's stress so I have not told her what I heard and saw. In fact, I never tell anyone about the things I see, I don't want to come off as crazy or WORSE, a liar. The YGS community is pretty much the only people I can talk to about what has happened to me.

I really like reading your comments, even when not addressed to me, they have been very helpful. Thank you!
Haven (19 stories) (304 posts)
+3
6 months ago (2020-01-13)
Hi, Daz.

No apology needed, I know exactly what you are talking about. I have also heard about people getting better, almost miraculously, only to pass away days later. Your theory is very interesting and makes sense to me. I hope Carmen does try and make amends with Gloria before she passes, for both their sakes.

I will definitely keep you updated.

Thanks!
Haven (19 stories) (304 posts)
+5
6 months ago (2020-01-13)
Hi Tweed,

I believe Carmen was talking at the time. When I heard the giggling and I saw something run past the door I looked over at both Gloria and Carmen to see their reaction. They just carried on as if nothing. You are right about the child seeming to have been spoiled, she likes to run and hide from Carmen. I thought maybe she just wanted to play but what you say about this being a game to her sounds like it could be true. How creepy...
Lealeigh (5 stories) (468 posts)
+2
6 months ago (2020-01-13)
Biblio,

I cannot up-vote your comment enough. Especially this part:

"I'll tell you now: *when* Carmen dies, Gloria's going to be the most heartbroken of the kids but she'll get the least appreciation in Carmen's will."

It is so sad to me. You are probably right. I hope her siblings have their hearts in the right place.

- Maria
Bibliothecarius (8 stories) (1034 posts)
+2
6 months ago (2020-01-13)
Greetings, Haven.

I believe Gloria, too.

I've been letting your narrative simmer in the back of my mind for the last few days. I wrote the first paragraph of a reply to you when it was initially published, 6 days ago, but thought that I could be stirring up trouble where reassurance and kindness were more necessary. You know me by now; I'm much better at facts & phenomena than people's feelings.

I deleted my initial response because I did not want to cause you any upset. However, the response won't go away & it has been nagging at me since I deleted it. That usually means I have to swallow my reservations and plunge into the discussion with a sense of trepidation.

Gloria's relationship with her mother is an unhealthy one. Abuse and criticism are all she's ever known from Carmen, so Gloria's tolerating more of the familiar unkindness she knew as a child. Though this is damaging, it's damage she is telling herself she can handle because she has carried the burden before. I recognize emotional endurance & defense walls when I read them. --Interesting that, now they're all grown, the other kids don't want to deal with the real face of the mother who loved them as kids; they're even ok with Gloria being made to carry their share of the burden.--

I'll tell you now: *when* Carmen dies, Gloria's going to be the most heartbroken of the kids but she'll get the least appreciation in Carmen's will. Gloria's siblings may go along with this, too, as leaving Gloria out was normal for them in the past & in the present, so the future won't change their dynamic *unless* one or two siblings have reached out to build better relationships with Gloria without Carmen as a factor.

Now, to the more paranormal aspects of this narrative.

In your response to Cherubim, you stated: "Carmen...claims to see her dead husband, Gloria's father,...she curses him and starts insulting Gloria about her 'good for nothing father' bothering her. Her husband is just as forgiving as Gloria because Carmen made his life hell when he was alive, I don't understand why he would come back to try to help her cross over." Carmen's husband is there because he's filled with the same mercy one finds in the truly kind or in the unexpectedly forgiven. He still loves her and can see past her flaws to the soul that is lashing out in pain (mostly at Gloria). I suspect he can see the scars from whoever abused Carmen earlier in life that make her aggressive and unpleasant now. (I'll add that I think he's a hell of a lot kinder than I am.)

Oddly, I got the most negative reaction from the spirit of the girl "about 5 years old, with a blue dress and ponytails," who "stands by her bed and just stares at her. Carmen asks her who she is and what she wants, the little girl just giggles. When Carmen gets up and tries to come close to her, the little girl runs and hides behind a chair or goes in the closet, all the while laughing." I do not believe that this entity is kind *at all.* I agree with Leighlea, "It chooses to harass Carmen because Carmen is most likely not to be believed."

Your witness of the event "I saw something run across the bedroom" and "it was something with blue clothes" appears to corroborate the details of Carmen's claims, though your anticipation of the spirit's appearance wearing "a blue dress and ponytails," may have shaped your perception of her to some degree. I think it wanted you to mention its presence to further unsettle Gloria; if Gloria has a breakdown due to stress & exhaustion, she's another potential target for harassment.

The lack of internal logic that "there is a man that she knows was hired by Gloria to kill her, this man tells her that he wants her dead." If Gloria hired a hitman, why would he just appear & try to scare Carmen to death with verbal threats? I'm inclined to agree with "that it is part of Carmen's dementia."

There's more to discuss, but it's late, so I'll leave it there for now.

Best,
Biblio.
aussiedaz (18 stories) (1427 posts)
+3
6 months ago (2020-01-13)
Haven

Looking over my last post I may have come across a little insensitive to the health status of Carmen, that was not my intention assuming her end may be near. ''apology there''.

I stand by the research that suggest people close to death do have increase levels of paranormal activity, however, this may not be the case with Carmen.

I would probably keep a diary of things Carmen said and asked her if she knew their names?, the end may be a long way off however, when they talk about their spouses and parents visiting, that may be a sign things are getting worse. Gloria seems like a great, kind forgiving daughter for looking after her mother, bless her heart!

Regards Daz
aussiedaz (18 stories) (1427 posts)
+4
6 months ago (2020-01-12)
There is a phenomenon I only stumbled onto a couple of years ago, of which I found to be valid especially when I had listened to the phenomenon through the eyes of some nurses and doctors. Apparently, there have been people with Alzheimer's and dementia who have basically lost all knowledge for months or even years who have regained 100 percent of their memory just before they died.

Sometimes it's about a week away from dying that these people regain full memory of and their loved ones (who btw) think it's some sort of miracle of which sadly ends with the person passing away... It can be a week before, however generally it is with in the last 24 hours of their life and as I said, I have listened to a few doctors and researchers talk about the phenomenon, so I'm satisfied something really strange is going on? Although the high priest of our scientific community won't give it the time of day in the sense of trying to explain how the friggen brain could recover the way it does?...anyway that's another topic,

This one poor lass, who was born a deaf mute and basically institutionalised her entire life with nothing more than medically assistance to keep her alive... 24 hours or maybe less before she died she was basically sitting on her bed singing and talking to the doctors like nothing was wrong... The doctors were stumped?

Theory: mind don't belong to body, body belongs to mind... The body is an avatar and perhaps when the spiritual self is ready to leave the earth Matrix (in these rare case's)... It doesn't matter how chemically broken down the brain is their spirit basically just comes through and communicate's as if everything were fine and if you believe in an after life, is this phenomenon circumstantial evidence of how consciousness exist outside the brain and not a by product of the neurons and micro tubules as some hard core materialist assume it is? Btw... No one knows? Science is only based on what they can measure.

This phenomenon doesn't happen to often Haven, however if it does with Carmen, you'll know the end is near. Carmen may try and make it up with Gloria before she goes that would not surprise me.btw,

If it does occur please let me know, I'm still researching these types of accounts they are extremely interesting. The account may be an hallucination, however the research shows that when people are dying... The level of paranormal activity does start to increase.

Regards Daz
LuciaJacinta (8 stories) (281 posts)
+4
6 months ago (2020-01-11)
I have a very similar story about a patient I had with dementia. I need to write it out and submit it.

Totally believe the story.
Tweed (28 stories) (2287 posts)
+3
6 months ago (2020-01-11)
Tweed (28 stories) (2287 posts)
+7
6 months ago (2020-01-11)
Hi Haven,

Maybe with everything going on it's easier for Gloria to block out any additional paranormal weirdness and only focus on the here and now.
When you heard the giggling and Gloria did not, was she talking at that moment? Chuckles might be picking her moments when she knows for certain who will and won't hear her. Sounds like a right little Missy.
Children can be cruel, she may have been spoiled. This would be like a big game where you can control an adult.

There was an experience here a few years back. The woman was a caregiver of some sort. She saw the same thing a patient was said to have hallucinated. I think it was from Ireland. I'll link it here if I find it.

Thanks for sharing this, sorry it's such a difficult situation. There are experiences, like the one I mentioned, to support some paranormal awareness in degenerative conditions. I say that with great trepidation as there are many who would wrongly take a paranormal angle to self diagnose.
AugustaM (5 stories) (965 posts)
+4
6 months ago (2020-01-10)
I understand your trepidation- say a prayer for yourself according to your beliefs (if it is not against what you believe in, ask your ancestors or guardian spirits/angels or the positive energy of the universe to go with you). Wear something that empowers you be it an icon or your favorite pair of power boots - if you believe something will help or protect you, that can give it the power to do so.
Haven (19 stories) (304 posts)
+4
6 months ago (2020-01-09)
Hi, Augusta. I believe it takes a special kind of person to take care of people with this illness. I hear they can get very aggressive towards their care givers. Plus, it must be very sad to see them deteriorate and then see them pass.

Thanks for your suggestion, I will talk to Gloria and offer to help with a cleansing. I just realized that the thought of returning to their apartment and performing a cleansing frightens me. I'm usually not afraid of ghosts anymore but the thought of going back is literally giving me goose bumps as I type this.
AugustaM (5 stories) (965 posts)
+6
6 months ago (2020-01-08)
The human mind is a fascinating thing - no less when it begins to unravel with age and illness. My mother was a nurse for over forty years specializing in geriatrics. In that capacity, she cared for many patients afflicted with dementia and Alzheimer's. Hallucinations are within the realm of possibilities with both afflictions and the fact that it happens mainly at night follows right along with "sundowners syndrome." However, that doesn't necessarily mean, I don't think, that everything every such patient sees must be so. After all, patients in that situation are much closer to the veil than their caretakers - might that not give at least some of them an increased ability to see (and hear) spirits?

I don't know what Carmen and Gloria's beliefs are but a cleansing might help Gloria get some sleep. If such a procedure might rile Carmen, do it when she is at an appointment. Then, depending on what her beliefs are, perhaps a few meaningful symbols or images placed in her room might help "seal the deal" so to speak.
Haven (19 stories) (304 posts)
+4
6 months ago (2020-01-06)
Hi, Silverthane61.

I also agree that this is something malignant. I think they are taking advantage of the fact that nobody believes Carmen, they think it's part of her illness. I probably would have thought the same thing if it wasn't for what I saw and heard.

I'm sorry to hear you had to experience first hand what that terrible disease does to a person. At first, I thought Alzheimer's just meant people forgot familiar faces, I have since learned different. I pray I never have to go through that was a loved one. It's almost like losing that person twice.

Thanks for your comment.
Haven (19 stories) (304 posts)
+2
6 months ago (2020-01-06)
Hi, Maria.

You are correct in that Gloria is a wonderful human being. She has been through so much tough things in her life it is a wonder she is not bitter, jaded or broken. She is kind, considerate and so forgiving.

I also believe your grandmother when she said her mother was there with her. I have been told of people who see family members on their deathbed. The interesting thing with Carmen is that she claims to see her dead husband, Gloria's father, but instead of this bringing her peace she curses him and starts insulting Gloria about her "good for nothing father" bothering her. Her husband is just as forgiving as Gloria because Carmen made his life hell when he was alive, I don't understand why he would come back to try to help her cross over.
Haven (19 stories) (304 posts)
+5
6 months ago (2020-01-06)
Hi, Cherubin.

Yes, it is strange that Gloria doesn't see anything. In fact, Carmen has woken her in the middle of the night claiming there's a little girl under her bead. Gloria goes in the bedroom turns on the light and "humors" her mom by searching under the bed. She then turns and tells her mom "see there's nothing there". Carmen will point and say "she's right there, get here out". Gloria of course does not see anything. I think the idea of a little girl ghost freaks me out more than anything I've ever seen.
silverthane61 (4 stories) (344 posts)
+5
6 months ago (2020-01-06)
Ditto for what Cherubim wrote. I have read that malignant spirits often disguise themselves as little children or ghostly animals. I tend to believe that she saw the same thing that you did. Furthermore, I believe that she is seeing everything that she claims. I have lived with 3 individuals that have lived through the onset of Alzheimer's until their end, mentally, as babies. I never witnessed any of them claiming to see something that was not there. However, I understand that not all cases of this disease are identical in nature, but I still do believe her.
Lealeigh (5 stories) (468 posts)
+3
6 months ago (2020-01-06)
Haven,

First of all, I consider your friend, Gloria, to be a wonderful human being. It seems that I have heard many accounts about people who were abused by their parents; they end up being the one who is so good of heart that they take care of their parent when no one else will.

My Grandmother was kind of like this with my mother all of her life. She held my mother's older sister up on an imaginary pedestal and acted as if she could do no wrong. My mother was my Grandmother's nurse and constant companion during her final illness.

My Grandmother also had dementia that she suffered along with her terminal illness; she was always convinced of bizarre household conspiracies. I was there the night that she died and she told us that her long departed mother was in her room, holding her hand all night. I believe that was true.

I agree with Cherubim in that the child spirit is only a child because it chooses that form. I think that Gloria does not see it because "it" knows that Gloria is sound of mind and can get rid of it. It chooses to harass Carmen because Carmen is most likely not to be believed.

That's just my opinion. Anything that bothers a sick woman in her bed is bad news. Child or not.

Thank you for sharing this because I feel some kinship with the situation.

- Maria
Cherubim (13 stories) (205 posts)
+4
6 months ago (2020-01-06)
That is strange that her daughter has never heard anything. Then again, some people are just more "in tune" with the paranormal than others. I'd be careful if I were you, because maybe it's not really a little girl at all. 😳

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