It has been a long time since I posted anything on the site. To tell you the truth all went very quiet for while with the exception of a few bumps in the night as well day and the odd silhouette passing by the window in the garden.
In between my last submission and this one, my beautiful tabby, Inca, disappeared. It will be a year in a couple of months. How I miss my Inca - my boss cat. We still call for me, "inci come on num num" in the hope he will come running through the trees and into my arms. I still have hope he will come back. In the meantime I pray for his safety everyday and that he is happy wherever he may be. Smoky is no longer a little terror. He appears to have taken on the role of Inca - Smoky is always close to home, very attached to me and of course a lot calmer now. He was a little menace when he was little. The other thing, I changed bedrooms! My son has moved into what was my bedroom and we have moved into his.
Since Inca disappeared and the bedroom swaps everything seemed to have quietened down apart from the occasional bumps here and there and of course the silhouette that passes my window. Everything around me was calm and there seemed to be peace and positive energy surrounding our home as well as in our home. Little did I know this would be short lived and the peacefulness, the tranquility would be taken away from me just as quickly as it was given to me.
Saturday 18th September 2010 - My day started brilliantly. I was up about 8 in the morning. I had done all the chores that needed doing. I was making a coffee when Smoky came meowing into the kitchen. He needed feeding. As I was bent down putting his food into his bowl, I suddenly jolted up and looked directly at the window which I had only opened maybe half an hour earlier. I stared at it for a good 30-45 seconds. The feeling of uneasiness had settled deep within the core of my stomach. Pushing the feeling aside I looked at Smoky who was also staring at the window. "Come on smoky, birdie num num". Smoky continued staring at the window once again I repeated "smoky, come on birdie num num". Smoky looked at me, walked to his bowl. Started to eat stopped once again looked at the window at which point I turned around and said "awww does the window bother you being open? No problem Poky I'll close it". I closed the window. Yes I know I sound nuts, but hey you have to be nuts to live in this world! Thereafter my day went flawlessly. I went shopping. I went to see my friend. I got home maybe around 6pm by which time our guest had arrived from Amsterdam who was spending the weekend with us.
About 7pm my partner and our guest decided to go out for some drinks. I declined the offer. I was actually looking forward to having a couple of hours of me time. After much persuasion they ended up going without me. I told them both to take their time but to text me when they were on the way back, so I could get dinner on.
As soon as I had closed the door after them, I jumped into the shower. I just stood under the shower for what seemed like a lifetime. I eventually got out towel wrapped around me, walked into the living and as soon as I set myself down on the sofa, the feeling of uneasiness set itself again deep within the core of my stomach. I looked around, took a deep breath and started to dry myself my eyes looking out into the garden, around the living making sure nothing was untoward. Fully dry and clothed, I decided to burn some incense to relax the atmosphere and energy around me. However on burning the incense, my brother turned up who complained about the incense and the smoke so I had to open the garden door, put the burning resin in the garden. As uneasy as I felt I did it. It was at that point I started to feel sick. I was a little unbalanced and my head had started pounded. I sat with my brother and although we were joking I felt uncomfortable and found myself looking at certain spots in the living room. The garden door which was open because I was waiting for the incense to burn out made me feel very nervous as it was dark outside now. I got up checked the incense which was almost out, picked up the brass burner, brought it back inside and slammed the door shut. My head was pounding by this time. I took the burner into the kitchen. Put it down now to the temple and took two painkillers. My energy had dropped I really was in no mood to do anything but to get to bed to sleep this feeling off in the hope it was just a nasty bug I had got wishful thinking.
The guys returned home about 10pm. I made them dinner. My brother left about 11pm. I sat with the guys until 2am by which time I was ready to be sick, my headache although not pounding now was a little niggle. I said my good nights and went to lie down. Smoky came in as I made myself comfortable and parked himself on the floor near the door. The uneasiness feeling made me close my eyes and then open them and search the room like an antenna waiting to pick up a signal of some sort. I don't know exactly what time I drifted off, but I woke a few times from bad dreams. Before I knew it was 9am Sunday morning. The feeling of dread was firmly embedded deep inside me. My energy was everywhere, I was drained and the headache was still there. The guys were up shortly after me so I cooked them breakfast. I cleaned, and went for a walk. I could not figure out why this feeling of dread, why the paranoia.
Our guest left about 6pm. I showered, and settled myself on the sofa. I watched a little television with my son. My partner was working in the studio. Before I knew it was 9.30pm. My son went off into his room and I was left on my own in the lounge. I got my pillow and a blanket and thought I would watch some telly on my own. I lay on the sofa, one of the windows was open and I could feel the breeze blowing in. Although it was an icy breeze, it was somewhat refreshing. Whilst lying on the sofa, smoky decided to jump in through the window which scared the living daylights out of. He looked around, looked at me meowed something and went straight in to the kitchen to eat. I got up closed the window and went back to lie on the sofa. Smoky came back in jumped on my back as I was lying on my stomach and we both lay their watching the TV. Not long after maybe about 5 minutes, Smoky got up and jumped on the window pane, sat there and just stared out of the window every now and then you would hear him growl, another cat no doubt. I on the other hand, found myself tossing this way, that way, looking at the window, in the corners of the lounge. I could not shift that uneasy feeling. I must have fallen asleep on the sofa when, what time I really don't know.
Lying on my side facing the wall, I felt his arm on my waist, I tried to get out of his grip but couldn't. The strange thing was as his arm went around my waist and his hand touched my stomach, I felt like it was penetrating into my body, it hurt at which point I said "don't". I grabbed his arm and moved it away without any resistance from him. A few seconds passed and again I felt him embrace me. His touch again felt like it was penetrating my body; it was as if our bodies were merging into one. It hurt a little more than the first time and with aggression I again said "Don't, leave me alone". Without any resistance, he once again moved away. I lay on the sofa unable to move, I could feel the breeze blowing through the window. I wanted to move but fear had completely paralyzed me. My eyes closed I once again felt him touch my waist, his hand slowly sliding towards my stomach. I could feel his body painfully trying to slip into mine. I screamed out crying this time "Leave me alone", and which point my partner came in and like always comforted me. He stroked my hair, calmed me down and reassured me there was nothing to worry about it was just a dream. I know it was not a dream, I have been here before. I lay back on the sofa, my partner left the hallway light on made sure I was ok before he went back into the studio. I fell asleep but woke at some point to use the loo. I got up slowly started walking to the loo when my hair was pulled by someone from behind me. I turned around quickly heart ready to beat of out my chest, expecting to see what or who only to know nothing or no-one would be there. No one was. I closed the window completely shut. Shaking I went to the loo unable to believe that my night-time stalker has come back.