Often times when writing, the words just flow as my mind recalls, but not this time. You have no idea how many times I have endeavored to put these words to print. Each time I would end up deleting the whole mess.
Here I am again, still not willing to give up. I will skip over the earlier details, and get right to the dark. The darkest dark I have ever known. Not anything like it being so dark but seeing your far neighbors porch light of in the distance. Not anything like a far distant streetlight, up ahead gleaming from around the curve. Just darker than your imagination can vision. Just dark with the absence of any form of light.
I was confused and frightened, complete bewilderment as to how I have found my way here, where ever here is. I could feel movement, head over feet, or at times a twirl sideways. Without sight, I had to second guess my movements. But wait! There is a dull grey white passing by, I see a hand, is that a wave, then all is the same dark. Is this death? Much further away there was another figure, moving without reason. Will I spend endless time, with my muddled mind, watching others sent to this dark space, I wished for conversation, someone may have an answer.
I have decided to stop the next one I see. I float close and try to grab a hand. Instant panic, with a language I am unfamiliar with. Is this all there is, we do this in the dark until the end of time, this is death. Worse than I my mind could have ever dreamed of. I learned I could somewhat control my movements as I twisted and turned.
Here is another thing about this dark, there is no noise, so I try my version of (appropriately) Twist and Shout. I am really getting into it, when a male voice says near by, "Hey shut it will ya. We speak for a bit, and he moves off. Interesting, he had a NYC accent. He left me humming Amazing Grace, a favorite of mine. So as I move about this dark, and without fail, I get louder. A base tone joins me, but I can't see him then an alto female joined in, but where were they. The dark wasn't so bad when music was involved. The Sound of music was my next choice, then we sang some of the songs from that musical... Time passed I guess.
The dark seemed to lift slowly, we all stopped singing. As it got lighter my memory started working better, and I remembered why I was here and who I was, I also felt heavy pain in my stomach area. As my eyes lifted and my happiness returned, here was all my family, all smiles.
I can not speak for others that have been placed into a medically induced coma, I can only tell how it was for me. Eventually the drugs were lifted, I got better, came home, now well on the mend. Much more Chemo to come...
This experience will not leave me, there is more to it. Can anyone explain, or has any of you ever gone through something similar. Can anyone clarify?